Three thoughts for Three Years

April 19th, 2014

One of my heros, whom I've never met but am convinced we could be friends, Lovelace Howard, Catholic convert, wife of author Thomas Howard (one of my favorites), once said that the third year of her Catholic identity was the year in which she finally began to feel more at ease in this new home of the Church. The first few years seem to be filled with such newness and at times, uncomfortable upheaval that it is hard for a new Catholic to rest in the change around them.

Those words from Lovelace struck a deep cord and have encouraged me often as I looked forward to this, the third anniversary of our full communion with the Catholic Church. And now as it is here, these three thoughts have continued to surface and bring comfort both for the years that have been, and those that will follow.

1. The Lord has led me here

It's been three years since I heard the words,

"The Lord receives you into the Catholic Church.
His loving kindness has led you here,
so that in the unity of the Holy Spirit
you may have full communion with us
in the faith that you have professed
in the presence of his family."

In the years before Catholicism, there began a gradual yearning for more than my current Christianity was able to give.  Although I had and read (and loved) the Bible, although I sought to be a prayerful Christian and desired (and did) grow in my faith, I was not satisfied.  I hungered for something deeper.  In one short car ride, I remember begging God to show me more of himself or I didn't think I could continue on with Christianity. I was yearning for depth, I was desperate to know and taste God's personal love for me; desperate for genuine Christianity lived out among a fallen world, and frustrated that anywhere I turned, a rich, beautiful, deep theology that answered any of my questions was severely lacking.

And then he answered with the shocking answer; The Catholic Church.  I hear those words of confirmation almost every day in my heart as my answer to that prayer long ago.   The Lord has led me here, and because of his loving kindness, I am Catholic.  And although the euphoria has long worn off, and the voice of the Lord is often obscured by the busyness of life or by the darkness of my own stubbornness; day by day I wake up more Catholic than I was merely hours before. The depth that the Church offers the Christian for prayer, Scripture, and God himself are inexhaustible, and to be honest; sometimes overwhelming.  Yet I have found in the moments when I offer my yes, he reveals something more of himself, and myself, that I did not know before.  As a result, growth happens, and faith increases.
Pope Benedict, in Jesus of Nazareth states beautifully,

"Initial enthusiasm is easy: Afterward, though, it is time to stand firm, even along the monotonous desert paths that we are called upon to traverse in this life- with the patience it takes to tread evenly; a patience in which the romanticism of the initial awakening subsides, so that only the deep, pure Yes of faith remains.  This is the way to produce good wine." 

2. The Eucharist is Jesus

Bread and wine become the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus Christ.  Three years ago I became convinced by authors and words on a page; and today, even as my heart struggles to keep pace with the mind's knowledge,  I am perhaps more convinced than ever of the fact of its truth.  Jesus longs and is waiting to give himself to every believer in this most sacred of ways.  For love of us, the formless God became incarnate, took on a physical nature; and won our redemption by his death. In the Eucharist he again hides himself under the physical elements of bread and wine, lavishing his Grace upon us; so that through and by this gift, he might perfect the good work he began in us, until the day he comes again (Phil. 1:6). 

The Eucharist is the divine gift that our bridegroom, Jesus, stands and offers us, his bride, the church.  Although with our eyes we see bread and on our lips we taste wine, we remember Jesus's words in John 6:63 "It is the spirit that gives life, the flesh is of no avail." And so with humility we can join our prayer with that of the disciples as we beg, Lord, increase our Faith,  for where else can we go, You have the words of eternal life.



3. Christian Unity

Perhaps the most prevailing thought that has cemented itself in our hearts these three years is the necessity and desire for Christian Unity. More so now as we approach the eve of the 500th year of the Protestant Reformation.  In living the two worlds of both Evangelical Protestantism and Catholicism, although far removed from the violence and hatred of centuries past, there still remains a  deep theological divide among the separated brethren of Christian people. And in our subjective world, discussions of true doctrine, theology, and worship tend to be excluded from daily Christian living, pushed aside for personal preference rather than objective truth.

In studying Jesus's high priestly prayer, hours before he would die on a cross for the sins of all people, his yearning and last desires were for unity among those who claimed him as Savior.  "Father, may they be one, as you and I are one" (John 17).  And so it is with a mournful and penitential spirit that we approach this most solemn of anniversaries; asking repentance for the damage done, and grace to build a bridge of restoration and healing.

But in the brokenness there is God, and more than ever before, he has convicted us and brought us to deep thanksgiving for the lessons of our childhoods and the people that formed our lives of Faith in Jesus Christ. Mindful always that there is much more that unites us rather than divides, as the Lord's Grace cannot be exhausted. For he constantly pours out his Goodness among all Christians, and in response, we too should extend abundant Grace to those who both share in our specific professions, and espiecially those that do not.

We pray for a spirit of love among believers, whether Catholic or Protestant; we pray for deeper discussions among brothers and sisters of Christ as to the fullness of the Christian life, and we pray that somehow in the way that only he can, the Lord would lead all those he calls children to be One, even as he and the Father are one; knowing with confidence that lives lived surrendered to Jesus will always result in greater love for neighbor as well.

In Conclusion

The readings for today providentially proclaimed the Road to Emmaus; that journey of the heavy hearted disciples who, while walking and talking with the risen Jesus concerning the events just witnessed in Jerusalem, only came to recognise him "in the breaking of the bread" (Luke 24:35).

From that plea in the car, to the fulfillment of Easter Vigil night, that is my journey of the last three years.  I have seen him more than ever, in the breaking of the bread.

I pray that my testimony invites others to do the same. Much like that of someone who dips a first toe into the pool, thereby alerting others to the safety of a comfortable swim.. so do I offer my experience within the Catholic Church.

My initial dip gave me confidence for the whole plunge, and my heart longs for others to come and see that the water is pure and the swimming is good.  So, on this third anniversary I say come, taste, and see, that the Lord is alive and well in the doors of the Church, and he is ever longing to break bread at the table with you.

The Difficulty of Realizing Sacred Priveledges - thoughts from Blessed Cardinal John Henry Newman

"We begin our Catechism by confessing that we are risen, but it takes a long life to apprehend what we confess. We are like people waking from sleep, who cannot collect their thoughts at once, or understand where they are. By little and little the truth breaks upon us. Such are we in the present world; sons of light, gradually waking to a knowledge of themselves. For this let us meditate, let us pray, let us work,—gradually to attain to a real apprehension of what we are."

 

The words of Blessed Cardinal Henry Newman have continued to be a deep form of comfort to me in closing of Lent and the current fifty days of Easter (yes, the Church celebrates it for fifty days!).  Lent, a season of penance, sacrifice, and solemnity concludes with the rejoicing of Easter bells, the Church triumphant celebrating the risen Lord.  He who walked through the parched desert and was slain has now triumphed over the grave, restoring us with him and rising to give us, abundant life. 

 

Yet, in this new identity of Catholic, in which I find myself, it is hard to completely assent to what I know to be true. I desire to fully and joyfully appreciate that with which I can now take part, yet it seems as if an assenting of the heart may be slower than the acceptance of the mind.  My mind tells me that the Eucharist is the whole person of Jesus before me, and now, within me. My mind tells me that Jesus has called me to his Church in an act of repairing wounds and healing division.  It is all true, to be sure.  Yet though my mind understands, my heart still suffers as in the days of Lent.  

 

The last two years have been, in our lives, an extended period of Lent.  We are tired, somewhat exhausted, and a bit bruised from the journey.  And so when I wonder why I am slow to grasp the full weight of Easter Joy, I remind myself of this great sermon.  Newman saw the difficultly in understanding immediately any great joy or great sorrow.  We, I, find it difficult to embrace with all earnestness and fullness the gift of my confirmation and membership with Christ's body, while a large part of my daily experience still exits among the wounds of the Reformation.  Unity has not been restored, distrust and disapproval still exits for our decision to enter the Church, and even though the Eucharist is Fact, it will take time for our hearts to follow the knowledge that has been assented to within our minds.  Every Sunday the Gloria is sung and the host of Angels are forever proclaiming the Hallelujah truth of the Risen Christ, but the process to fully comprehend all of these divine Truths, as Newman states, may come slowly, and that should be okay. 
 

So my friend, (Mr. Newman), gives me hope.  My conversion need not become realized by the changing of the Church calendar, or a theological grasp of transubstantiation.  Rather it will be understood over a lifetime of gradual learning and following of the Good Shepherd who called this sheep by name. I know with confidence that while he asks us to give up the milk of infants for pure spiritual food, he does not demand immediate comprehension, just immediate obedience and trust.  He simply asks us to abide, to remain, to return, and to wait.  St. Paul in Philippians 1:9 reassures us that discerning the full will of God is a process that is marked by an increase in love, and knowledge, resulting in blamelessness on the day of Christ Jesus.  Or in the words of Cardinal Newman, eventually we give up the shadows and find the substance.  I look forward to this, the day which I look back and realize that little by little, day by day, the Lord has made sense of this conversion, has produced fruit from it, and has led my heart to an overflowing appreciation of this Sacred Privilege to which he has called me.
 

 

 "Thus, as time goes on, we shall gain first one thing, then another. By little and little we shall give up shadows and find the substance. Waiting on God day by day, we shall make progress day by day, and approach to the true and clear view of what He has made us to be in Christ. Year by year we shall gain something, and each Easter, as it comes, will enable us more to rejoice with heart and understanding in that great salvation which Christ then accomplished."

 

 Blessed Cardinal John Henry Newman

 

ps...to read the sermon, (which is fabulous and highly worth the time), go Here. You will not regret it.

 

 

 

Road to Emmaus

I've been asking my husband to write on here for a long time.  We have been fortunate to walk this conversion together, and I believe that hearing it from a different voice other than mine could also be encouraging to anyone interested.  He is incredibly wise, and loves the Lord immensely.  He has written a post in three separate parts.. so today I'm posting part 1.  He's also a busy attorney.. so we have already agreed that I won't pester him about when part two or three will be finished.  But rest assured they are worth the wait.   If you know Kevin, you know he is one of the most genuine and thoughtful men out there.  And if you don't know him... let me formally introduce you to my husband. 

Road to Emmaus – Part I

 

My wife has asked me to write a “guest post” several months ago. I dragged my feet for two reasons. First, I have struggled, and on some level still struggle, with whether joining the Catholic Church is the correct decision. Second, the thought of trying to summarize the last decade generally, and the last two years in particular, is daunting. I don’t know where to begin.

 

Unfortunately, the ostrich can’t keep its head in the ground forever. I need to accept reality. I plan to walk with my family as evangelical Protestants into the Catholic Church for the last time on April 20, 2014. Lord willing, we will walk out as evangelical Catholics. Nothing will change, yet everything will change.

 

Nothing will change because Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8.) We want nothing more than to follow him. At the same time, everything will change. If the Church’s audacious claim is correct – that She is the “one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church” [http://www.usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/what-we-believe/] established by our Lord – then full communion with the Church is life-altering.

 

Someday I will look back on this post when the kids ask why we are Catholic even though many of our close friends and family are faithful Protestants. Hopefully this will help me remember why. Or someday we will pull this out of the “remember when we almost became Catholic?!” file, just for a good laugh. Either way, it’s worth writing these things down.

 

When I think of my path to the Catholic Church, I think of Luke 24. The Road to Emmaus. Like those early disciples, Jesus walked beside me.  I could not see him fully in the Catholic Church, but my heart burned when I encountered Him through the Scriptures. Over the last decade, he opened my eyes to see Him fully in the Eucharist.

 

The Road to Emmaus

 

On the first Easter Sunday, two disciples traveled from Jerusalem to Emmaus.  Jesus appeared alongside them, but “their eyes were kept from recognizing him.”  (Luke 24:16.)  Jesus asked what they were talking about, and the disciples explained that Jesus had been crucified.  They had hoped he would redeem Israel, but now he was gone.  Jesus proceeded to chastise them (“O foolish men”) and outline the prophecies concerning himself from Moses and the prophets.  (v. 27.)  When they arrived at the village, the disciples asked Jesus to stay with them.  He agreed.

 

When [Jesus] was at the table with them, he took the bread and blessed and broke it, and gave it to them.  And their eyes were opened and they recognized him; and he vanished out of their sight.  They said to each other, “Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the Scriptures?” (vv 30-32.)

 

Immediately they returned to Jerusalem to tell the Eleven: “[T]hey told what had happened on the road, and how he was known to them in the breaking of the bread.”  (v 35.)

 

Jesus’ interaction with his disciples on the Emmaus Road has at least four distinct components. First, he appeared beside the disciples and walked with them. Second, “their eyes were kept from recognizing him.” They knew Jesus, but could not see him fully. Third, their hearts “burned” when Jesus opened the Scriptures. They could not see Jesus with their eyes, but they encountered the eternal Word of God (Jn. 1:12) in the written Word of God. Fourth, their eyes were opened in “the breaking of the bread.”

 

Jesus walked me through a similar path to the Catholic Church.

 

Jesus walked beside me

 

My experience during the first two decades of life was similar to that of many other evangelical Protestants. I knew I was a sinner. I knew I needed a Savior. I knew I couldn’t do anything to earn God’s favor. My thoughts, my words, my actions all bore witness to this fact.

 

I embraced the gift he offered to me and to the whole world on the cross. I tried to love because he first loved me. Even though I fell short again and again and again, I asked Him to pick me up again and again and again (Ps. 40:2.) I also believed in His promise that He who began a good work in me would carry it on to completion. (Phil. 1:6.)

 

I had no delusions of self-sufficiency or that I could somehow please God by working harder. I needed Christ. And like the disciples on the Road to Emmaus, I encountered him in a real way.

 

I could not see Jesus in the Catholic Church

 

As the disciples “were kept from recognizing” Jesus on the Road to Emmaus, I could not see Christ in the Catholic Church for decades. Rome’s claims were not even plausible in my view. They interpreted Scripture incorrectly: among other things, Jesus built his Church on Peter’s confession (“petra”), not on Peter himself (“Petros”). They added man-made traditions to Scripture: faith-plus-works justification, purgatory, etc. With few exceptions, it appeared that the lives of Catholics magnified these errors. For a group of people that wanted to work their way to Heaven, it never looked like they were trying very hard!

 

I believed that Catholics could be Christians in spite of their Catholicism, not because of it.

 

Brennan Manning once said that “The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” This may be overstated, but it’s worthy of reflection. In the same vein, one could say that the greatest single cause of division in Christ’s Church is Catholics, who attend Mass on Sundays and walk out the door an hour later and deny Jesus by their lifestyle (or Catholics who don’t even bother attending Mass at all). That is what Christ-believing, evangelical Protestants simply find unbelievable.

 

That’s what many of my friends and family find unbelievable. That’s what I found unbelievable for years.

 

Many Catholics don’t understand this point. They ask why Protestants want to build their own churches. They ask why Protestants won’t “come home to the Catholic Church.” Many evangelical Protestants are ex-Catholics or have encountered numerous individuals who are Catholic in name only. In case after case, we can encounter people who never encountered Jesus in a deep, personal way until they left the Catholic Church.

 

These are not anecdotal stories. These are facts confirmed by Catholics. 42% of Americans raised Catholic are still practicing Catholics today. 63% of Americans raised Catholic are now Protestants. For Catholics, Mass attendance drops generation by generation, from 45% of those 65 and older to 10% of Millenials (ages 18-25). Sherry Weddell’s book, Forming Intentional Disciples [http://www.amazon.com/Forming-Intentional-Disciples-Knowing-Following/dp/1612785905/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386432901&sr=8-1&keywords=forming+intentional+disciples], analyzes these statistics and many others to conclude: “In the early twenty-first century, among Americans raised Catholic, becoming Protestant is the best guarantee of church attendance as an adult.”

 

I always knew I needed Jesus.  I simply could not understand why I would need the Catholic Church

The Land of the Living

 

"I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the Land of the Living." 

 

 

Dear self, 6 months ago:

 

Those tears you have cried out to Him in your prayers have been heard

 

Your longing for a friend has been answered

 

Your loneliness has been received, and the isolation your heart feels will soon be healed

 

Your confusion if the Lord is the leader of this journey will be answered

 

The example you found in Moses and Aaron was an appropriate one

 

That priest that inspired you is a good one to be inspired by

 

The Lord's love for you will be shown more than you could ever ask for in those requests

 

You beg from your knees now, and you will soon rejoice in the embrace of an answered prayer

 

You believe in the Land of the Living, and they will soon be given faces and names

 

You will know, as you follow his plan, that he is ever moving, ever loving, ever listening.  Catching every tear, every thought, and every prayer. 

 

"Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD".

Psalm 27:13-14

 

When a favorite verse becomes true reality, words do not seem to do justice to the generosity of God