The atmosphere was concert like. It was dark, the screens were lit, and hands all around me were lifted high in praise. On the one hand, I loved being surrounded by people who obviously loved the gift of great worship, on the other, this introvert struggled to really feel at ease in the bigness and outward expression of it all. Yet those songs formed me then, and continue to do so today.
Every now and then a song comes along that breaks through the routine and finds its way deep into my soul. On those times, I long not for a concert with thousands of others, but solitude and privacy; my kitchen pantry usually the preferred location.
Such was my experience when I came across a new song compiled by many of my favorite worship singer/ songwriters; Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, and Matt Maher. An ecumenical powerhouse of voices that proved in a simple song that the Church United is not just a dream, but can one day become reality. This song, "Kyrie Eleison", (Lord, Have Mercy), brought me to my knees; in my pantry. For three minutes the frustrations of our current wading in the Tiber and this hybrid state of Evangelical Catholicism fell away, and there was once again, simple Christians united for the sake of Worship.
The song was modern, but the lyrics were ancient. The voices belonged to chart topping Christian artists, one Catholic, the others non denominational. And it was there in the blending of it all, that I broke down.
This wave of emotions has been swirling around in my head for years. With our backgrounds in non denominational churches, we have the privilege of understanding both sides of the Christian music world. We see the beauty in Evangelical, lift your hands high worship, and the solid foundations of a great theologically sung hymn found in any Catholic parish. However, our kids don't have this luxury. And it weighs heavy on my heart that in only experiencing the hymnal driven worship, they may miss the passion and spirit that is readily available and on display at a less traditional church.
Now as a Mom, and a Catholic, I am constantly questioning whether it is more beneficial to surround oneself with theologically sound lyrics, or that of a simple repetitive melody that proclaims the love and goodness of God. In the first case, (the traditional hymn), the lyrics could pass a doctrinal test, but are usually too complicated for a child (and many adults) to grasp during the song, let alone remember after the hymnal has been put away. Yet they have withstood centuries of time, so they cannot, nor should not be easily dismissed and forgotten.
In the simple melody (or modern song of the moment), while the song might not necessarily be filled with complicated doctrines, they are often relatable, memorable, and find their way into daily thoughts throughout the week; reminding one at the most unexpected times, through a simple melody, that God is love. And I believe because of these benefits, songs like this should be included in a greater number into the Mass.
Considering all of this, Sundays can be tense with the longing to take a break from the hymnal and field trip my way to the best musically gifted church in the area. However, it is halted by the conviction that in becoming Catholic, I have accepted that my desires should not dictate my church attendance. I'm not in charge. Jesus is. And I believe he desires me to come under the authority and guidance of his Bride, the Catholic Church.
The gift of song is from Him, to be used by us to lift our lives up to him. And True worship, within the Church is found in no other complete form that that of kneeling before the Eucharistic Lord. No song (even if it makes me feel more alive) can bring me as close to Jesus as his very body within my own.
As we move forward, always learning how to live as Evangelical Catholics, and as effective parents, we try to appreciate the Sacred while the beauty of the new pours from the home speakers.
In Kyrie Eleison, I hear hope. I look forward to the day when all will sing in Heaven together and united. Until then, I'll be in my pantry. In my dark, dimly lit, private concert arena, showing my kids that passion is alive and well right here in our own home. Quietly thanking Jesus for music, the artists, and all of the churches that praise him every single Sunday.
Kyrie Eleison.
Lord, Have Mercy.
Christ have Mercy.
Lord, Have mercy on me, a desperate sinner in need of you and you alone.
