Psalming through the Summer

Summer has come and school has been out a total of five days for this family.  Five days has felt like fifty.  I love my children beyond anything but it only took me until day five to threaten all day summer camp and a full time job for Mommy. "I'll show them," I told my husband. 

Today was no different for me in the overwhelmed mothering department.  On a "quick" Target run, my three year old was booking it down the wrong isle, one twin was climbing the sides of the cart about to find himself tipped, the other twin was rushing into his brother the cart buster, all while yelling down to his little bro in an attempt to "help" me with discipline; all while my daughter believed it a great time to engage me on the moral wrong or rights of bikini's being sold in the young girls department.  And it was only 10am.

Then our loudness caught the understanding eye of another mom and we exchanged the, "oh my.. summer is out look," and I felt strangely connected to her.  This woman,  who I did not know and won't see again had reached deep within my soul and was, for a brief moment, a soul sister of mine.  And some days that's all I need to keep pressing on.  Knowing that someone else understands and is going through the same mothering marathon that I am experiencing is quite refreshing. 

Spiritually, I have begun to touch upon an untapped treasure in my life that is affording me the same encouragement.  The Psalms.  I  have been convicted lately that my prayer life was lacking depth and focus, especially when my energy was drained and I did not know what to pray for.  I wanted my prayers to be centralized around Christ and his promises and not dependent upon my particular emotional state for that day. 

The Liturgy of the Hours has been on my mind for a while, yet always seemingly intimidating by what they were and how to pray them.  Truth be told I can't yet even form into an intelligent statement just exactly what they are.  But my very simple, very beginner definition is the Liturgy of the Hours are the official prayers that the Catholic church prays marking the hours of the day and sanctifying the day with prayer (according to Google).   It is heavily centered on the Psalms, with additional Bible passages and hymns throughout. 

I purchased a beginners book for understanding how to pray them.  The Catholic learning curve is always curving, and at first glance it is intimidating.  However, even as I have only barely dipped myself into the prayers through an App on my phone every morning and on some nights,  I have begun to understand the great benefits. 

I rarely, if ever, spent much time reading the Psalms.  They always seemed too poetic, not literal enough for this Pauline; Gospel centered Evangelical. But in reading the Psalms consistently, I have found friendship in their pleadings, empathy in their disappointment, and joy in their praises.  Like no other book of the Bible, I have found my soul mates in the writers of the Psalms.  In searching for a deeper life of prayer around Christ, I found the added comfort in the consolation of the hearts of God's people from the very beginning.  The Psalmists are honest.  They are heartfelt, and they do not shy away from confessing their confusion with the workings of the Lord or their loneliness when he cannot be found.   The Psalms have become to me what that mom was to me at Target.  Confidants that reach deep and encourage me that I am not alone; My normal struggles are the struggle of every Christian and every child of God.   

The Liturgy of the hours are going to be my spiritual summer exercise.. as well as American Girl doll house building, soccer playing, dinner cooking, and lots of swimming.  Because in reality, if I am learning anything from the Psalms, it is that no matter the circumstances, no matter the hour, a psalm of praise on my mind can turn around any situation; even if most of the time I am simply restating the introduction, "O God, come to our aid.  O Lord, make haste to help us."  Now if only I could get my kids to start speaking in Psalms.. this could be the best summer ever. 

Lord, open our lips, And we shall praise your name

One year. An Update

Today is one year to the day of when I stopped publically writing my thoughts.  For a girl who likes to be open and share much, 365 days is a long time not to. 

Of course I still talk with friends and have wonderful intimate friendships.  But there are times when I have longed to go to the keyboard, and either nothing came out or too much came out that I wasn't ready to share.  Even deeper, I have wrestled with the fact of whether or not the Lord will obviously fling wide the gates to write again in the open, or if he is desiring a quieter me than I had hoped.  I was, and still am, very much waiting for Him; for his "Go."  But something within me felt like I couldn't let the one year mark pass without at least acknowledging and updating briefly what life has been like.

Eventually over the past few months I gained the courage to step back from most social media outlets.  Mainly, Facebook.. as I came to see that my mind wasn't created to process loads of incoming information on a daily, even hourly basis.  Wonderful things such as prayer requests and God moving within peoples lives became too overwhelming for me to handle; especially on the days when I felt alone or the Lord was particularly quiet with me.  Rejoicing with those who rejoice is and has always been a weakness and challenge of mine.  Facebook exasperated my weaknesses, and therefore I chose to quit so that the God who is strong when I am weak could show me some of his muscle. 

Life as a Catholic has had its challenges and it's blessings.  I am learning that the transition from a non liturgical Evangelical to an Evangelical, very liturgical Catholic is not made for the faint of heart.  It is a daily learning process.. and a daily cross.  There was a great exhale as the first official year of our becoming Catholic passed by; we had made it one year.  We had seen the Lord work in our lives and I was honestly grateful for the difficult year; perhaps the most difficult in my adult spiritual life.  The newness of everything and the unknown of it all threw me into an unexpected lonely depression, while the fight to find reprieve was often answered by a seemingly silent God and a church that felt less like a home and more like a foreign city at any given Mass.

In addition to this depression, we struggled with issues that we found hard to embrace within the Catholic church.  There were and are practices that we don't understand, and believe could be reformed so that all Catholics would have a deeper relationship with the Lord.  Those thoughts won't be discussed here, but we hope that one day a compassionate and meaningful discussion could take place in order to further the incredible Evangelization movement that is invigorating Catholicism and her people.

Yet, even with the strides made for Evangelization and unity, the general divide between Catholic Christians and non denominational Christians still stings in our daily encounters.  In suffering, however, there Jesus is found.  And in becoming part of the dialogue between the two, we have gained such a deep love for all Christians no matter their church affiliation or particular belief system.  As Christ is the great Unifier, we have found ourselves refreshed by all of our friends who call upon Him as their Savior.  And we have learned to accept with overwhelming joy, the heart of Jesus, in all of his children. 

The greatest gift we received this year was a word from our priest, calling us "hybrids" and encouraging us to embrace all that we are, have been, and will be still.  He has always been incredibly complimentary of the Evangelical non denominational churches that we call home, and has continually reminded us that we do not need to give up our identity, but rather simply grow as followers of Christ in this new place. 

Overall, my thoughts from the post one year ago are still the same words that Jesus uses to grant me peace today.  He has given me the gift of these two worlds, and it is here in the hovering middle that I have learned to suffer with him and to trust in his great Love.  And while sometimes extremely frustrating, I know that there is a purpose in it all.  He did not bring me to this place so that I could become unrecognizable, but rather so that the most recognizable things about me could be the things that he uses the most.  It takes patience, and it is not healed within a years time.  It is a continual process.  And as much as I have failed, and as little as I have succeeded in following him through this year, for me it has been a journey worth taking, and one that I will continue to learn from for the rest of my life.