Writing the past two years on this blog has been for me both therapeutic, and a labor of love. It has allowed me to clearly see where the Lord has worked in and around my life, and it is a visual reminder of the spiritual journey that I have taken. I only hope that for some it has also been a source of encouragement in reading that while the process of conversion is entirely personal, it is not necessarily meant to be private. Jesus wants us to share our stories, and if our aim is to be faithful to him and his Will, he will use whatever situation we find ourselves in to build up the body of Christ.
The situation that my life has found itself in at this moment is wrestling with what to do now, as a Catholic. There is a phrase used a lot on Catholic radio that states it "takes a while to be mistaken for a Frenchman." Meaning, it takes a while for a convert to the Catholic faith to be thought of as a bonified through and through, Catholic. Problem is, I'm not sure I agree that that should be my goal. Not because I don't love what I have decided to embrace, and not because I don't admire and revere my new Catholic friends. It's simply because it's not what God called me to be. He did not create me as such.
God, in his infinite mercy, chose to place me in a devout and loving Protestant house, where I grew up hearing constantly of His love and goodness, where I frequented summer vacation Bible Schools and memorized every CD by Psalty and the Singing Songbook. Where Rich Mullins and Ray Boltz, and Michael W. Smith, and Sandy Patty and Amy Grant seemed to be extended members of our family through the radio, and where it was normal to come down early in the morning and see my Dad reading his Bible, or hear him belt out a worship song in the shower.
This the environment that I was raised in, and it is in this environment that I became who I am today, including my conversion to Catholicism. I will never be a cradle Catholic. I will, for the rest of my life, always be a cradle Protestant who embraces all that is, and was wonderful about my Protestant faith, and then brought that greatness to the fullness of the Catholic Church.
And so as I have been struggling to embrace my Catholicism while not alienating my Protestant upbringings, I have felt the Lord telling me that His future for me may not include this particular outlet of a blog. Writing for me will continue, but more in a private arena and not in a public open blog. It has always been my goal to write honest posts that while sometimes deal with controversial doctrinal differences, to present them in a way that is loving and fair to both sides. If in any case, I have not done that, I am truly sorry. I would never want to be the source of pain for someone. Heated debates will always occur, because there are huge differences on both sides, but speaking the truth in love, has been my greatest desire and goal.
So while this particular chapter of having a conversion blog is now closed (for now), I am feeling incredible peace that God has something he wants me to do, and I have been perfectly created for whatever it is. I have been given the gift of two worlds, and it has been laid upon my heart that the two must become more aware of one another, and unity must be somehow sought after. Not so that we can all become "Frenchmen" or "Catholic men" or "Lutheran"... but so that we can unite as the Body of Christ, under our one head, Jesus Christ. He alone destroys division. And it is only under seeking Him first that we realize our true identity and mission. In thinking on my past and my future, Jesus encouraged me today that perhaps He brought me to the Church not so that I could become unrecognizable, but so that maybe the most recognizable things about me would be the things that He wants to use the most.
Thanks so much for your encouraging comments and for reading. It has been a joy to write this.
According to my "secret" ticker... there are a lot of people who read this, much to my surprise. If it is correct, and there are more than three faithful readers, and if you would like to get in touch with me, I'm always willing to talk or email on a personal level. You can reach me at kjmitchell1@yahoo.com. Just because I won't post doesn't mean I don't have anything to share.
Kim
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