"We begin our Catechism by confessing that we are risen, but it takes a long life to apprehend what we confess. We are like people waking from sleep, who cannot collect their thoughts at once, or understand where they are. By little and little the truth breaks upon us. Such are we in the present world; sons of light, gradually waking to a knowledge of themselves. For this let us meditate, let us pray, let us work,—gradually to attain to a real apprehension of what we are."
The words of Blessed Cardinal Henry Newman have continued to be a deep form of comfort to me in closing of Lent and the current fifty days of Easter (yes, the Church celebrates it for fifty days!). Lent, a season of penance, sacrifice, and solemnity concludes with the rejoicing of Easter bells, the Church triumphant celebrating the risen Lord. He who walked through the parched desert and was slain has now triumphed over the grave, restoring us with him and rising to give us, abundant life.
Yet, in this new identity of Catholic, in which I find myself, it is hard to completely assent to what I know to be true. I desire to fully and joyfully appreciate that with which I can now take part, yet it seems as if an assenting of the heart may be slower than the acceptance of the mind. My mind tells me that the Eucharist is the whole person of Jesus before me, and now, within me. My mind tells me that Jesus has called me to his Church in an act of repairing wounds and healing division. It is all true, to be sure. Yet though my mind understands, my heart still suffers as in the days of Lent.
The last two years have been, in our lives, an extended period of Lent. We are tired, somewhat exhausted, and a bit bruised from the journey. And so when I wonder why I am slow to grasp the full weight of Easter Joy, I remind myself of this great sermon. Newman saw the difficultly in understanding immediately any great joy or great sorrow. We, I, find it difficult to embrace with all earnestness and fullness the gift of my confirmation and membership with Christ's body, while a large part of my daily experience still exits among the wounds of the Reformation. Unity has not been restored, distrust and disapproval still exits for our decision to enter the Church, and even though the Eucharist is Fact, it will take time for our hearts to follow the knowledge that has been assented to within our minds. Every Sunday the Gloria is sung and the host of Angels are forever proclaiming the Hallelujah truth of the Risen Christ, but the process to fully comprehend all of these divine Truths, as Newman states, may come slowly, and that should be okay.
So my friend, (Mr. Newman), gives me hope. My conversion need not become realized by the changing of the Church calendar, or a theological grasp of transubstantiation. Rather it will be understood over a lifetime of gradual learning and following of the Good Shepherd who called this sheep by name. I know with confidence that while he asks us to give up the milk of infants for pure spiritual food, he does not demand immediate comprehension, just immediate obedience and trust. He simply asks us to abide, to remain, to return, and to wait. St. Paul in Philippians 1:9 reassures us that discerning the full will of God is a process that is marked by an increase in love, and knowledge, resulting in blamelessness on the day of Christ Jesus. Or in the words of Cardinal Newman, eventually we give up the shadows and find the substance. I look forward to this, the day which I look back and realize that little by little, day by day, the Lord has made sense of this conversion, has produced fruit from it, and has led my heart to an overflowing appreciation of this Sacred Privilege to which he has called me.
"Thus, as time goes on, we shall gain first one thing, then another. By little and little we shall give up shadows and find the substance. Waiting on God day by day, we shall make progress day by day, and approach to the true and clear view of what He has made us to be in Christ. Year by year we shall gain something, and each Easter, as it comes, will enable us more to rejoice with heart and understanding in that great salvation which Christ then accomplished."
Blessed Cardinal John Henry Newman
ps...to read the sermon, (which is fabulous and highly worth the time), go Here. You will not regret it.
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