Two things come to mind when I relive my first Reconciliation experience. First, the gift of reconciliation is profound, and second, confession among devout Catholic families is an amazing tool of leading by example that every family should utilize.
As I waited in line for my first confession, seriously doubting the intelligence on my part of a pre confession taco dinner, I prayed for peace. I quickly came to realize, however, that perhaps peace was what I came to receive, but not something that I should gain; first. That lump quickly coming up in my throat was caused by thirty two years of built up sin. Nervousness included, yes. Especially when I was about to tell another human being, whom I greatly respect, awful things about myself. But because sin and peace are opposing forces, sin should, and ultimately will, cause immense discomfort. If I am never made to bear the discomfort of the reality of sin, how will I ever truly thirst for a deeper love for my Savior?
Peace through forgiveness was the only remedy that would ultimately quiet my heart, and my ascending taco. As I sat down with my parish Pastor, a gentle and kind man, and began reading my list, I cried, and he cried. But I did not feel judged. I felt the Love of Christ that every single one of his disciples must have felt. I finally knew the peace that Mary Magdalene found, the restoration that Peter received, the promise of a new life like Paul had encountered. My priest became for me the embodiment of Jesus, himself. Pouring himself out for each and every soul that comes to him for forgiveness and a new Yoke. With the words of absolution, my discomfort was removed; peace rushing in.
I was not, however, prepared for the ultimate impression that I would leave with that night. My confession was held at a penance service where my sponsor, her husband, and two of their children came for their own reconciliations. At a Penance service, confessions, while not public, are visible. Multiple priests fill a church and those gathered chose their desired confessor. Some are behind closed doors, but some are not. Conversations are private, yet the act, is public. The unexpected grace of watching a devout family, each individually, turn to the Lord for restoration was astounding to this Catholic convert. How awesome for a child to watch a parent humbly receive forgiveness and place themselves very visibly under the sole authority of Christ. A parent is the primary Evangelizer to their children, this was living out the faith by simple example, and it intrigued me.
As I stood in line struggling to control my shaking hands and legs, I watched a young boy boldly approach a priest in order to seek the Lord. I watched him then kneel in quiet prayer reflecting on his new found forgiveness. While the world aims to teach young teens that their only value is what they do with their bodies, I watched a beautiful teenage girl act twice as brave as me, a woman twice her age, silently voice her protest to those lies as she approached her reconciliation. For her peace with the Lord was greater than acceptance from the world. And I watched their Mom, my humble and inspiring sponsor, demonstrate to her children that seeking first the Lord and his forgiveness is better than any prideful façade we Mothers may try to present to our kids. Christ not only gave me peace for my own life, but through them, gave me a glimpse into the incredible benefits of a deeply devoted Catholic family.
My first reconciliation was a treasure chest of Grace. I came and received what I had come for; namely, forgiveness. What I left with, however, were memories etched in my mind, positive reminders that a life lived in the bosom of the Catholic Church, under the headship of the Risen Lord, can not only heal individuals, but can form entire households of faith. But that's just the nature of Jesus, giving us beyond what we could even ask or imagine; be it poor choices in dinner or a surprising young witness to the Faith. Thursday night family confessions, anyone? I hear they can be quite the source of a fun filled celebration!
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