My last post was simply about the experience of my first confession. The Why's behind the Going were not written. So I felt like I needed to clearly state what the teachings were that brought me to a place of standing in line, ready to possibly lose my dinner at the thought of confessing my sins.
The clearest proof for me in understanding the teaching of confession was my own reflection in the mirror. On the one hand, I am already a follower of Jesus, and I believe that the sting of death has been removed as a result of Christ's death and resurrection on the cross. Yet I still sin. As Paul states, "For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want." (Romans 7:19).
The glory of the passion of the Lord was that the gates of the Garden of Eden were once again opened. No longer were Cherubim guards protecting the tree that was the symbol of man's disobedience. Rather, Jesus Christ, the perfect Fruit of a womb, willingly hung from another tree, opening for all people and for all time the ability to once again walk in the Garden with the Lord God in the cool of the day. (Joseph of Arimethea's tomb was in a Garden: John 19:41). Paradise, had been restored. But I still sin.
As baptism washes away the stain of Original Sin inherited from our first parents, "now you have had yourselves washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and in the Spirit of our God," (1 Corinthians 6:11), we still get dirty. We struggle to live by the Spirit and to put off the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16). We fail to daily take up our cross, to crucify our flesh with its passions and desires, and we very often provoke one another, and are envious. (5:24). At least I know that I do. And Paul warns, "God is not mocked, for a person will reap only what he sows, because the one who sows in the flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows for the spirit will reap eternal life from the spirit." Confession, is the means of Grace that Jesus has established within his Church; lovingly cleansing his followers clean of the sins that so easily entangle on a daily basis, equipping us to better run the races that have been marked out, for us all
On Holy Thursday evening, as Jesus began washing the disciples feet, Peter was so eager for a cleansing from Jesus that he asked the Lord, "Master, then not only my feet, but my hands and head as well." Yet Jesus replied, "Whoever has bathed (been baptized) has no need except to have his feet washed, for he is clean all over." In washing Peter's feet, Jesus was foreshadowing an act of purifying oneself after an initial baptism. We have been welcomed into the family of God by nature of our baptism, by the conversion of our sinful hearts to a relationship with his immaculate heart. Yet the concupiscence of sin still pervades our thoughts, words, and actions, and it is this that needs to be periodically cleaned so that we can enter more fully into our masters Divine Will. Confession, is just this type of foot washing.
It is also a simple Biblical fact that Jesus, after his resurrection gave his disciples the power to forgive sins. In John 20, after the resurrection, Jesus Breathes on his disciples, then states, "Whose sins you forgive are forgiven, and whose sins you retain, are retained." The priest, by nature of his ordination, acts as a type of Christ in the confessional. He is not forgiving my sin. Christ, through the ordination of the priest, is forgiving my sin. The priest has been given authority from Christ in the binding and loosing of sins "whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven." (Matthew 18:18).
I found it difficult as I was investigating Catholicism to argue against the strong Biblical proofs that Jesus did indeed give some type of authority to his disciples, that they in turn passed down through the laying on of hands: (see Acts 6:6, and 2 Timothy 1:6), through ordination (Acts 14:23), and through the words that were previously taught and adhered to: "remain faithful to what you have learned and believed, because you know from whom you learned it." (2 Timothy 3:14). Again, in Hebrews 13:7, "Remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith." Part of the authority that he gave to them was the act of the forgiveness of sins, under the authority of Christ. Non Catholics must at the very least wrestle with these verses and take an honest look at what Jesus was instituting among the disciples.
The writers of the New Testament were constantly discussing the benefits and commands of confessing sins. John writes in 1 John 1:9, "If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." James 5:15-16 states, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed." Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians, demonstrates his apostolic authority, "For indeed what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for you in the presence of Christ." This passage in 2 Corinthians 2:10 is widely believed to be Paul speaking of his authority as "in persona Christi" (in the person of Christ).. exactly what the Priests do to this day.
Confession was an integral part of the Christian life that the disciples practiced, the early church practiced, and the earliest Fathers of the Church practiced. I came to think that if my own life in the church did not resemble the earliest believers and writers in the Church, who walked with Him, and were taught by Him, then maybe my own beliefs needed to change, instead of demanding that they conform to me.
Ignatius of Antioch (A.D. 110)
"For as many as are of God and of Jesus Christ are also with the bishop. And as many as shall, in the exercise of penance, return into the unity of the Church, these, too, shall belong to God, that they may live according to Jesus Christ" (Letter to the Philadelphians 3 [A.D. 110]).
The Didache: (The teaching of the 12 Apostles, widely referenced in Church History)
"Confess your sins in church, and do not go up to your prayer with an evil conscience. This is the way of life. . . . On the Lord’s Day gather together, break bread, and give thanks, after confessing your transgressions so that your sacrifice may be pure" (Didache 4:14, 14:1 [A.D. 70]).
There are many other quotes and writings of the early Church Fathers that even though are not inspired by the Holy Spirit like the Biblical texts, they give us a vivid glimpse into the workings, thoughts, and teachings of the early Church. And the early Church practiced the sacrament of confession, even to the current day. Catholics teach it because to grow in holiness one must be continually about the act of purification. The more we rid ourselves from the desires of the flesh, the more we start to put on the life of Christ. The more dirt that we have wiped clean, the brighter the light is allowed to shine.
That is the teaching, that led me to the line, that brought me face to face with the evil of sin, but ultimately the Grace of the Lord Jesus, himself. For he promises if we knock, he will answer. If we seek, we shall find, and if we open our hearts to him, he is faithful, and through our confessions will purify us from all unrighteousness.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Confession of a Convert
Two things come to mind when I relive my first Reconciliation experience. First, the gift of reconciliation is profound, and second, confession among devout Catholic families is an amazing tool of leading by example that every family should utilize.
As I waited in line for my first confession, seriously doubting the intelligence on my part of a pre confession taco dinner, I prayed for peace. I quickly came to realize, however, that perhaps peace was what I came to receive, but not something that I should gain; first. That lump quickly coming up in my throat was caused by thirty two years of built up sin. Nervousness included, yes. Especially when I was about to tell another human being, whom I greatly respect, awful things about myself. But because sin and peace are opposing forces, sin should, and ultimately will, cause immense discomfort. If I am never made to bear the discomfort of the reality of sin, how will I ever truly thirst for a deeper love for my Savior?
Peace through forgiveness was the only remedy that would ultimately quiet my heart, and my ascending taco. As I sat down with my parish Pastor, a gentle and kind man, and began reading my list, I cried, and he cried. But I did not feel judged. I felt the Love of Christ that every single one of his disciples must have felt. I finally knew the peace that Mary Magdalene found, the restoration that Peter received, the promise of a new life like Paul had encountered. My priest became for me the embodiment of Jesus, himself. Pouring himself out for each and every soul that comes to him for forgiveness and a new Yoke. With the words of absolution, my discomfort was removed; peace rushing in.
I was not, however, prepared for the ultimate impression that I would leave with that night. My confession was held at a penance service where my sponsor, her husband, and two of their children came for their own reconciliations. At a Penance service, confessions, while not public, are visible. Multiple priests fill a church and those gathered chose their desired confessor. Some are behind closed doors, but some are not. Conversations are private, yet the act, is public. The unexpected grace of watching a devout family, each individually, turn to the Lord for restoration was astounding to this Catholic convert. How awesome for a child to watch a parent humbly receive forgiveness and place themselves very visibly under the sole authority of Christ. A parent is the primary Evangelizer to their children, this was living out the faith by simple example, and it intrigued me.
As I stood in line struggling to control my shaking hands and legs, I watched a young boy boldly approach a priest in order to seek the Lord. I watched him then kneel in quiet prayer reflecting on his new found forgiveness. While the world aims to teach young teens that their only value is what they do with their bodies, I watched a beautiful teenage girl act twice as brave as me, a woman twice her age, silently voice her protest to those lies as she approached her reconciliation. For her peace with the Lord was greater than acceptance from the world. And I watched their Mom, my humble and inspiring sponsor, demonstrate to her children that seeking first the Lord and his forgiveness is better than any prideful façade we Mothers may try to present to our kids. Christ not only gave me peace for my own life, but through them, gave me a glimpse into the incredible benefits of a deeply devoted Catholic family.
My first reconciliation was a treasure chest of Grace. I came and received what I had come for; namely, forgiveness. What I left with, however, were memories etched in my mind, positive reminders that a life lived in the bosom of the Catholic Church, under the headship of the Risen Lord, can not only heal individuals, but can form entire households of faith. But that's just the nature of Jesus, giving us beyond what we could even ask or imagine; be it poor choices in dinner or a surprising young witness to the Faith. Thursday night family confessions, anyone? I hear they can be quite the source of a fun filled celebration!
As I waited in line for my first confession, seriously doubting the intelligence on my part of a pre confession taco dinner, I prayed for peace. I quickly came to realize, however, that perhaps peace was what I came to receive, but not something that I should gain; first. That lump quickly coming up in my throat was caused by thirty two years of built up sin. Nervousness included, yes. Especially when I was about to tell another human being, whom I greatly respect, awful things about myself. But because sin and peace are opposing forces, sin should, and ultimately will, cause immense discomfort. If I am never made to bear the discomfort of the reality of sin, how will I ever truly thirst for a deeper love for my Savior?
Peace through forgiveness was the only remedy that would ultimately quiet my heart, and my ascending taco. As I sat down with my parish Pastor, a gentle and kind man, and began reading my list, I cried, and he cried. But I did not feel judged. I felt the Love of Christ that every single one of his disciples must have felt. I finally knew the peace that Mary Magdalene found, the restoration that Peter received, the promise of a new life like Paul had encountered. My priest became for me the embodiment of Jesus, himself. Pouring himself out for each and every soul that comes to him for forgiveness and a new Yoke. With the words of absolution, my discomfort was removed; peace rushing in.
I was not, however, prepared for the ultimate impression that I would leave with that night. My confession was held at a penance service where my sponsor, her husband, and two of their children came for their own reconciliations. At a Penance service, confessions, while not public, are visible. Multiple priests fill a church and those gathered chose their desired confessor. Some are behind closed doors, but some are not. Conversations are private, yet the act, is public. The unexpected grace of watching a devout family, each individually, turn to the Lord for restoration was astounding to this Catholic convert. How awesome for a child to watch a parent humbly receive forgiveness and place themselves very visibly under the sole authority of Christ. A parent is the primary Evangelizer to their children, this was living out the faith by simple example, and it intrigued me.
As I stood in line struggling to control my shaking hands and legs, I watched a young boy boldly approach a priest in order to seek the Lord. I watched him then kneel in quiet prayer reflecting on his new found forgiveness. While the world aims to teach young teens that their only value is what they do with their bodies, I watched a beautiful teenage girl act twice as brave as me, a woman twice her age, silently voice her protest to those lies as she approached her reconciliation. For her peace with the Lord was greater than acceptance from the world. And I watched their Mom, my humble and inspiring sponsor, demonstrate to her children that seeking first the Lord and his forgiveness is better than any prideful façade we Mothers may try to present to our kids. Christ not only gave me peace for my own life, but through them, gave me a glimpse into the incredible benefits of a deeply devoted Catholic family.
My first reconciliation was a treasure chest of Grace. I came and received what I had come for; namely, forgiveness. What I left with, however, were memories etched in my mind, positive reminders that a life lived in the bosom of the Catholic Church, under the headship of the Risen Lord, can not only heal individuals, but can form entire households of faith. But that's just the nature of Jesus, giving us beyond what we could even ask or imagine; be it poor choices in dinner or a surprising young witness to the Faith. Thursday night family confessions, anyone? I hear they can be quite the source of a fun filled celebration!
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Today
Today, as the earth waits in silence for the light of the Savior to come out from the tomb, I too, await in joyful hope for the Vigil of Holy Saturday.
Today, as my husbands Grandfather celebrates his birthday, in the presence of the communion of Saints, around the throne of the Lamb, side by side with his loving wife, we rejoice that by his intercessions to the King of Kings, we have been led into the fullness of the Holy Catholic Church.
Today is a day in which a journey that began two years ago for us, has roots which can be traced back to the beginning of time. For my Savior knew me before I was ever conceived. Before this world was ever created, He has called all men to himself.
Today he has called me by name, because he loves me. Today I stand with the men and women of old, who have come before, who have given their lives, who have spoken through the prophets, that Jesus, the Christ, is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords; And that this King has given us the gift of a Church, his body, in which there is only one Head, Jesus Christ.
Today I become one with him, through the Eucharistic bread, which is His body, given up for me. With His blood, the blood of the new covenant, which is poured out, for me.
Today I wait with his Mother, our Holy Mother, who was given to us all, on the cross. "Woman, behold your Son. Son, behold your mother." A lowly Virgin, made glorious, through the redemption of her Son.
Today I stand with his Bride, the Church. Confessing as they have always done, that this Paschal mystery has taken place for the redemption of my sin, and the sins of the whole world.
Today I stand professing One Baptism for the forgiveness of sins, the Communion of Saints, the Resurrection of the Dead, and a life, Everlasting.
Today I become a member of the Holy Catholic Church, through it's bruises and faults, and failures, and weaknesses. Because the Creator of the Universe has called me to membership among his body, and I must obey. Because today, if you hear his voice, harden not your hearts, but return to the Lord.
Today, on the Vigil of Easter Sunday, as all of creation waits in eager expectation for the sound of a rolled away stone, I praise my Lord for this journey of faith, and the faith of his people, especially for the faith of a man, celebrating a birthday, in the presence of the communion of Saints, praying me and my family into his beloved Catholic Church.
Today we wait in silence; tonight the bells of Salvation and Victory will ring supreme. His Word has gone forth, it will not return empty. It has come calling to me, and today, I say Yes.
Happy Birthday Grandpa Bill... I will look for you among the yellow sweaters.
Today, as my husbands Grandfather celebrates his birthday, in the presence of the communion of Saints, around the throne of the Lamb, side by side with his loving wife, we rejoice that by his intercessions to the King of Kings, we have been led into the fullness of the Holy Catholic Church.
Today is a day in which a journey that began two years ago for us, has roots which can be traced back to the beginning of time. For my Savior knew me before I was ever conceived. Before this world was ever created, He has called all men to himself.
Today he has called me by name, because he loves me. Today I stand with the men and women of old, who have come before, who have given their lives, who have spoken through the prophets, that Jesus, the Christ, is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords; And that this King has given us the gift of a Church, his body, in which there is only one Head, Jesus Christ.
Today I become one with him, through the Eucharistic bread, which is His body, given up for me. With His blood, the blood of the new covenant, which is poured out, for me.
Today I wait with his Mother, our Holy Mother, who was given to us all, on the cross. "Woman, behold your Son. Son, behold your mother." A lowly Virgin, made glorious, through the redemption of her Son.
Today I stand with his Bride, the Church. Confessing as they have always done, that this Paschal mystery has taken place for the redemption of my sin, and the sins of the whole world.
Today I stand professing One Baptism for the forgiveness of sins, the Communion of Saints, the Resurrection of the Dead, and a life, Everlasting.
Today I become a member of the Holy Catholic Church, through it's bruises and faults, and failures, and weaknesses. Because the Creator of the Universe has called me to membership among his body, and I must obey. Because today, if you hear his voice, harden not your hearts, but return to the Lord.
Today, on the Vigil of Easter Sunday, as all of creation waits in eager expectation for the sound of a rolled away stone, I praise my Lord for this journey of faith, and the faith of his people, especially for the faith of a man, celebrating a birthday, in the presence of the communion of Saints, praying me and my family into his beloved Catholic Church.
Today we wait in silence; tonight the bells of Salvation and Victory will ring supreme. His Word has gone forth, it will not return empty. It has come calling to me, and today, I say Yes.
Happy Birthday Grandpa Bill... I will look for you among the yellow sweaters.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
And a Friend's a Friend, Forever...
Telling a story about how three women came to be friends is intimate, and almost too personal to write for a public eye. Partly because the story would have three different versions if told from one individual perspective, and partly because such a close bond has been formed that I will inevitably be unable to properly tell our story with the depth that it deserves.
But when the hand of God has literally reached into my life more profoundly than I had ever believed possible, I must respond with encouragement to others that holy friendships should be sought after, desired for, and ultimately received, from the King of Kings, himself.
Looking back the beginning of His plan began with a meeting with Fr. John Riccardo. I documented that meeting in detail, here. When I returned home to our local parish, I was energized due to the answered prayer, but still longing for close friends who would understand my desire to become Catholic, preferably from similar Evangelical backgrounds, and boldly began praying for like minded friends.
Silence seemed to be God's way of allowing me to become completely trusting in him alone. I waited, some days impatiently, most days on my knees in begging prayers, finding solace in his Scriptural promises.
The day I heard a radio sermon preached on the above verse, by Fr. Riccardo, no less, was a day I felt duped in the Catholic friend search. I was weary, lonely, and saw no hope on the horizon for ever uniting so deeply with someone with whom I could share my new found faith and my Evangelical upbringing. Yet that verse grabbed me and caught my attention as a promise through my stereo speakers. Something big was coming, if only I could wait for the Lord to work out everything for good.
I continued to document the ups and downs of wading into Catholicism. Always assuming I was writing solely for self therapy, always gaining peace when my biggest frustrations had to be flushed through a keyboard first before gaining an irrational force of their own. I didn't believe anyone but my husband was reading it; I wrote for my own memories, never thinking others may be interested in what a quirky convert had to say.
Truth is, that statement is correct. But people do tend to care about what a fabulous priest has to say, and sometimes in the wonderful world of Google, measly blog posts about such a priest bring up quirky converts experiences with said brilliant priest.
And this is how our friendship came to be. Three converts, separate States, facing different circumstances yet united by a desire to follow our Lord back into his Catholic Church, converged into one another by the sheer gift of God, and similar appreciation for a well preached homily. Added icing to our friendship cake was the realization that our friendly priest knew us all by name, and was in the process of putting us into contact with one another. Yet even before he had moved, Christ had moved. Before numbers were passed along and text messages exchanged, God had been redeeming the Internet and search engines to form a holy friendship that would blossom beyond words.
To some, it sounds simply as, "I met my friends online." To me, however, experiencing what has taken place in the last few months rings more as, "The Lord has answered my prayer and sent me beloved friends through miraculous measures in order to more fully serve Him and his Kingdom."
We do not know what it will look like, or where the Lord will use us in his grand Kingdom plan, (not to mention when all three of us will meet in the same state!)... but we are confident that whatever it becomes, or however he calls us, we will do it with one another's prayers, support, and love. The gift of a friend in any time is a treasure. Jesus has brought many lovely friendships into my life when I most needed them. The gift of these two women has been the evidence of his Grace abundantly flowing into my life, his words of wisdom spoken through their hearts, and his voice of encouragement that no journey in following him is accomplished alone.
 |
| Tabitha and I on the weekend of my kids Baptism |
But when the hand of God has literally reached into my life more profoundly than I had ever believed possible, I must respond with encouragement to others that holy friendships should be sought after, desired for, and ultimately received, from the King of Kings, himself.
Looking back the beginning of His plan began with a meeting with Fr. John Riccardo. I documented that meeting in detail, here. When I returned home to our local parish, I was energized due to the answered prayer, but still longing for close friends who would understand my desire to become Catholic, preferably from similar Evangelical backgrounds, and boldly began praying for like minded friends.
Silence seemed to be God's way of allowing me to become completely trusting in him alone. I waited, some days impatiently, most days on my knees in begging prayers, finding solace in his Scriptural promises.
Psalm 27:3 "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord."
Sirach 6:14 -16
"Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one has found a treasure. Faithful friends are beyond price; no amount can balance their worth. Faithful friends are life saving medicine; and those who fear the Lord will find them."
The day I heard a radio sermon preached on the above verse, by Fr. Riccardo, no less, was a day I felt duped in the Catholic friend search. I was weary, lonely, and saw no hope on the horizon for ever uniting so deeply with someone with whom I could share my new found faith and my Evangelical upbringing. Yet that verse grabbed me and caught my attention as a promise through my stereo speakers. Something big was coming, if only I could wait for the Lord to work out everything for good.
 |
| Meeting Lindsay in person for the first time |
I continued to document the ups and downs of wading into Catholicism. Always assuming I was writing solely for self therapy, always gaining peace when my biggest frustrations had to be flushed through a keyboard first before gaining an irrational force of their own. I didn't believe anyone but my husband was reading it; I wrote for my own memories, never thinking others may be interested in what a quirky convert had to say.
Truth is, that statement is correct. But people do tend to care about what a fabulous priest has to say, and sometimes in the wonderful world of Google, measly blog posts about such a priest bring up quirky converts experiences with said brilliant priest.
And this is how our friendship came to be. Three converts, separate States, facing different circumstances yet united by a desire to follow our Lord back into his Catholic Church, converged into one another by the sheer gift of God, and similar appreciation for a well preached homily. Added icing to our friendship cake was the realization that our friendly priest knew us all by name, and was in the process of putting us into contact with one another. Yet even before he had moved, Christ had moved. Before numbers were passed along and text messages exchanged, God had been redeeming the Internet and search engines to form a holy friendship that would blossom beyond words.
 |
| Because God even looks out for the husbands |
To some, it sounds simply as, "I met my friends online." To me, however, experiencing what has taken place in the last few months rings more as, "The Lord has answered my prayer and sent me beloved friends through miraculous measures in order to more fully serve Him and his Kingdom."
 |
| Morning Mass with a friend is a little piece of early Heaven |
We do not know what it will look like, or where the Lord will use us in his grand Kingdom plan, (not to mention when all three of us will meet in the same state!)... but we are confident that whatever it becomes, or however he calls us, we will do it with one another's prayers, support, and love. The gift of a friend in any time is a treasure. Jesus has brought many lovely friendships into my life when I most needed them. The gift of these two women has been the evidence of his Grace abundantly flowing into my life, his words of wisdom spoken through their hearts, and his voice of encouragement that no journey in following him is accomplished alone.
"For where two or three have gathered together in my Name, I am there in their midst."
Matthew 18:20
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