Forty Days for My Life

Easter is quickly approaching.. which inevitably means the beginning of Lent, which in its completion marks the true beginning of my journey into the fullness of the faith.  On the one hand, I find great comfort in knowing that this period of discernment will be over; a soul can only take so much before it literally crumbles under the pressure to get things correct; eternity, after all,  is at stake.   On the other hand, I have experienced the closeness of God like never before in the last 18 months, so much so that although I believe I will only know Him deeper in full communion with his Body, the Church, I will miss this initial honeymoon experience of my Savior leading me step by step, hour by hour, to become one with Him.

For my own memory, I wanted to write my current thoughts now just shy of forty days until Easter Vigil.  Similar the great Saints who came before, whose lives of faith were deepened and expanded only as time went on, that too will be our experience.  I will not, and do not, have to be sure of everything at this very moment.  I am only asked to trust that the Lord is the King of this process, that he has in his Sovereignty and mercy established his Bride, the Church, here on earth,  so that all may be welcomed into the family of faith, united under the one Head of it all, Christ. 

Under the Church, I find that Scripture is alive like never before.  When I read the Bible in light of a Catholic lens, there is a depth and a wisdom there that I had never been able to access.  It is ironic how the undermining of Scripture in favor of tradition is a widespread criticism of the Catholic Church, when the fact is that once I studied Scripture in light of that tradition, through the guidance of the Church, I fell in love like never before with the Word.  I cannot express it enough; the closer Scripture is read to it's original birthplace (the Church) the deeper and more profound it becomes.  Much like a wireless Internet connection gains or looses strength depending on it's proximity to the router, so too is Scripture when held within the bosom of the Church.  There are mysteries, hidden in the subtleness of the passages, acting as seeds to greater truths, that are revealed within the time and places that the Lord sees most beneficial to his people.  Tradition does not trump Scripture.  Tradition allows Scripture to be understood, and Scripture holds the birthplace of all Tradition, whether overtly stated or gracefully alluded. 

The Saints are friends who will come along side of every faithful person if the person desires their aid.  Although this may sound odd to my non Catholic friends, I have been taken under the wing of Blessed Cardinal John Henry Newman, learning from his writings, his thoughts, and I am confident prayed for by him at the Father's feet.  I did not search this Saint on my own. He literally presented himself to us in the form of random Saint drawing at the New Year's Day Mass.  My Priest asked that we all pull blindly from a basket one Saint who we could read about and be encouraged by in this new calendar year.  My entire family was not with me, so I picked names for them as well.  I drew two John Henry Newman's, and later found a third stuck in my pocket that I did not remember grabbing. 

Newman was a convert from Anglicanism, who faced immense ridicule and pressure in his conversion process.  After he became Catholic, he gave his life to praying for the unity among all Christian people. And although we have not experienced the level of trauma that he did, in giving up his very livelihood for Catholicism, we have experienced at best confusion whether or not we have turned our backs on Jesus all together, and at worst stern warnings of doubt as to the truth of the entire Catholic Church.  His quotes, writings, and encouragements have randomly found themselves into my emails from unknowing friends, Bible studies, and various circumstances.  Reading his Apologia Pro Vita Sua (A Defense of His Life) has given me a unexpected confidant in a person who has walked a similar journey, and found comfort through the same doors I wish to enter.  The Saints are alive and well, praying for us; gifts from a loving Father who desires we all confidently approach the throne of Grace. 

Catholic friends are something to be held close, cherished at all times, and prayed for, continually.  We were not created to do this alone.  The body of Christ is a organism made up of humans, attached and built up by one another.  On our own, Jesus can be sought after, yet with one another, Jesus can be known and we can be transformed.  "Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love another.  No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." (1 John 4:11).

If you are coming into the Church, and feel very alone, "suffocated" as we called it early on.. pray for Catholic Friends.  Pray unceasingly, pray like the Persistent Widow.  And the God who loves to bestow Good gifts on his children will answer.  He created the communion of Saints so that we may all encourage and help each other along in this gift of Faith, and he will provide hands and faces of his very self to aid us in that pursuit. 

"Friends are a sturdy shelter;

Whoever finds one has found a treasure.

Faithful friends are beyond price;

No amount can balance their worth.

Faithful friends are life saving medicine;

And those who fear the Lord will find them."

Sirach 6:14 - 16

The disciplines of the Church, especially in the season of Lent are made to prepare us for the coming celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus.  Many non Catholic churches wisely practice a period of penance, alms giving, and fasting in the same manner.  As Robert Barron, a Catholic priest in the Chicago area said beautifully, "In the desert we will meet a God who is love through and through."  Through the encouragement and support of divine friends I have learned to understand and appreciate the discipline of fasting, through the example of devout Catholic women I have learned how to pray, and I am praying that this Lent will open my eyes to the practice of alms giving in order that what I have been given will not be buried away and selfishly kept only for myself.  The Catholic disciplines lead one into a greater reverence and devotion to the Lord, they are again, mercifully shared with the people to build up the Church.  

Last year I experienced Lent through the eyes of one sitting in the pew, discerning whether or not I would take the steps necessary to become a full fledged Catholic.  Last year I yearned to have the discipline of those surrounding me through church and radio and books, but did not yet have the training or knowledge to happily enter into the desert.  Last year I considered them wise, but burdensome, and often felt overwhelmed due to inexperience and lack of support.  This year, as Lent has begun, the training is no less difficult, but it has a profoundly different end.  This year my Lent will end with the full rejoicing of the union with Jesus that I have sought for years.  This year, as the desert ends, and the celebration of the resurrection is hailed, the celebration of my life living as a Catholic among the body of Christ will begin. 

"Fear not that thy life shall come to an end, but rather that it shall never have a beginning."

Blessed Cardinal John Henry Newman