Sent Out

Writing the past two years on this blog has been for me both therapeutic, and a labor of love.  It has allowed me to clearly  see where the Lord has worked in and around my life, and it is a visual reminder of the spiritual journey that I have taken.  I only hope that for some it has also been a source of encouragement in reading that while the process of conversion  is entirely personal, it is not necessarily meant to be private. Jesus wants us to share our stories, and if our aim is to be faithful to him and his Will, he will use whatever situation we find ourselves in to build up the body of Christ.

The situation that my life has found itself in at this moment is wrestling with what to do now, as a Catholic.  There is a phrase used a lot on Catholic radio that states it "takes a while to be mistaken for a Frenchman."  Meaning, it takes a while for a convert to the Catholic faith to be thought of as a bonified through and through, Catholic.  Problem is, I'm not sure I agree that that should be my goal.  Not because I don't love what I have decided to embrace, and not because I don't admire and revere my new Catholic friends.  It's simply because it's not what God called me to be.  He did not create me as such. 

God, in his infinite mercy, chose to place me in a devout and loving Protestant house, where I grew up hearing constantly of His love and goodness, where I frequented summer vacation Bible Schools and memorized every CD by Psalty and the Singing Songbook.  Where Rich Mullins and Ray Boltz, and Michael W. Smith, and Sandy Patty and Amy Grant seemed to be extended members of our family through the radio, and where it was normal to come down early in the morning and see my Dad reading his Bible, or hear him belt out a worship song in the shower.

This the environment that I was raised in, and it is in this environment that I became who I am today, including my conversion to Catholicism.  I will never be a cradle Catholic.  I will, for the rest of my life, always be a cradle Protestant who embraces all that is, and was wonderful about my Protestant faith, and then brought that greatness to the fullness of the Catholic Church. 

And so as I have been struggling to embrace my Catholicism while not alienating my Protestant upbringings, I have felt the Lord telling me that His future for me may not include this particular outlet of a blog.  Writing for me will continue, but more in a private arena and not in a public open blog.  It has always been my goal to write honest posts that while sometimes deal with controversial doctrinal differences, to present them in a way that is loving and fair to both sides.  If in any case, I have not done that, I am truly sorry.  I would never want to be the source of pain for someone.  Heated debates will always occur, because there are huge differences on both sides, but speaking the truth in love, has been my greatest desire and goal. 

So while this particular chapter of having a conversion blog is now closed (for now), I am feeling incredible peace that God has something he wants me to do, and I have been perfectly created for whatever it is.  I have been given the gift of two worlds, and it has been laid upon my heart that the two must become more aware of one another, and unity must be somehow sought after.  Not so that we can all become "Frenchmen" or "Catholic men" or "Lutheran"... but so that we can unite as the Body of Christ, under our one head, Jesus Christ.  He alone destroys division.  And it is only under seeking Him first that we realize our true identity and mission.  In thinking on my past and my future, Jesus encouraged me today that perhaps He brought me to the Church not so that I could become unrecognizable, but so that maybe the most recognizable things about me would be the things that He wants to use the most. 

Thanks so much for your encouraging comments and for reading.  It has been a joy to write this. 

According to my "secret" ticker... there are a lot of people who read this, much to my surprise.  If it is correct, and there are more than three faithful readers, and if you would like to get in touch with me, I'm always willing to talk or email on a personal level.  You can reach me at kjmitchell1@yahoo.com.  Just because I won't post doesn't mean I don't have anything to share. 

Kim

Converting with Kids

What is it like to raise non cradle Catholic kids in a Catholic Church?  In a word: hard. 

We come from large Evangelical churches where there are entire wings dedicated to the care and teaching of kids.  Walls are painted in Biblical scenes scoping from Noah's Ark to the Ascension of Jesus.  Phrases reminding kids of God's love can be found in every classroom, kids praise music is reinforcing the signage, and hundreds of volunteers give their time and energy week after week for the sheer point of sharing Jesus with the smallest among us. 

Fast forward to the typical Catholic church, and even finding the Sunday School is a chore.  There are no painted hallways, no greeters to help usher you and your child into the age appropriate classrooms (mostly because there isn't, such a classroom), and if you are one of the lucky churches that does indeed have a children's program, chances are it appears to be thrown in as a last ditch effort.. obviously not ranking as high as other priorities around the Church.

It's a harsh critique, but it is the honest to goodness feelings of many Evangelicals who are coming to the Catholic Church out of obedience to Christ, and definitely not because of the lure of vibrant children's programs.  We struggled with this for a long time.  We got mad, furious, actually, and for many years although truths seemed to be surfacing about the teachings of the Church, they were squashed when we looked at the four precious lives entrusted to us.  We had heard enough horror stories from dedicated, ex- Catholic now Evangelical friends.  And we had no interest in throwing our kids into a sterile religion that had for decades, failed children. 

Unfortunately, with all of that said, we began to struggle with the Evangelical Church as well. While our kids were attending Sunday School and we attended the adult service, there was never a cohesive message among the kids and parents.  We learned one thing, and the kids learned something entirely different.  And in the craziness of gathering multiple children and making it to the car in one piece after Church, papers would go missing, lessons would be forgotten, and the most depth that we ever got out of what our kids learned consisted of the type of snack eaten and a vague retelling of a Bible story. 

But, Jesus was still preached,  and the hearts of the teachers for the kids was amazing.  To this day, we are incredibly grateful for the volunteers that filled those classrooms week after week, whether our kids remembered them, or not.  And the Catholic Church should, and does, have a lot to learn from them.  Yet, we became Catholic anyway, because again, it was true, and we had to obey.

The beginning days of having kids in the main Mass with us were frustrating to the max.  We left most Sunday's swearing it was the last time we would go, planning on returning the following week to our previous Church.  Kids were restless, eyes were rolling, stink eyes were being shot to and from all family members,  and no amount of reverent worship was happening, at all.  We were still confused on all of meanings of the Mass, and as a result, our kids were even more lost.  They wanted the happy stories and crafts of their previous experience, and we just wanted to be assured that we weren't crushing their faith before they even had a chance to experience it. 

Slowly, over time, I started to gain hope.  I started to see that many of the dedicated adult Catholics who I admired, heard on the radio, and read in books were not all converts.  Many of them had been raised in the very environment I was questioning, and seemed to be living vibrant lives of faith, completely in love with Jesus; actively seeking to be his disciples.  I gained hope when I considered that I had been given a role by the Lord to be the primary Evangelizer to my kids on the love of Jesus,  and that if I was obedient to the His calling, his Grace was strong enough, powerful enough, and vast enough to extend to my kids.  For if it was true, if He really did form one Church, if it was indeed his visible body on earth, then actually the best thing I could ever do for my kids, would be to go; to become one with that Church, and to bring that fullness into the lives of our kids so that they would one day share it with theirs. 

In doing this, we found a way to marry the best of our Evangelical roots with the sacredness of the Mass.  We bought the kids Children's Bibles, and take them every Sunday to Mass.  They each have the same one, so that fights are minimized during the readings.  We try to review the Gospel reading the night before in our family story times so that the kids are already familiar with what they may hear from the Priest.  We ask them to listen for key words, key topics, and reward them with praise and treats after church.  Our pastor once told us that in ancient days, the Jewish Rabbi's would dip the young students fingers in honey while teaching them the Law.  That way, as they grew, the Law would always be associated with sweetness.  It was brilliant, and we have incorporated that practice.  Sunday Mass is followed, always, by a large family brunch, including donuts or some type of yummy goodness.  A child who can control themselves for an hour for love of Jesus can and should be rewarded.  Because Jesus is Love, and to be with Him is to know sweetness and Joy. 

We sit up front, the very first row, actually.  As we learned from the early days that a child who cannot see will not pay attention.  The Mass is brilliantly laced with so many visual delights that a child can't help but be drawn in, if they can see.  Sitting closely to the Priest who lovingly baptized them all, who they know and enjoy, helps them to focus.  Although we fail often, now instead of sending stink eyes for disobedience, we try to calmly show them what they are to be doing.  When we kneel, they kneel.  When it is time to pray, their eyes should be closed.  When it is time to sing, even though all but one cannot read, their fingers are traced along with the words in the song book. 

In a sense, they are learning that to honor Jesus is to participate with his body.  To love him means to put aside immediate desires and quiet hungry bellies because this Jesus who we bow before is worthy of all praise, and all adoration (even we adults struggle to know this many days).  They are learning the correct motions and postures now so that as they gradually learn the depths of the Mass, their bodies will reinforce their hearts.  To kneel is to know ones position before the Lord, to pray is to listen, and to sing is to give due honor. These are things that are learned from doing, not simply by telling.  This is the benefit of getting out of the classroom and into the Mass.  This is where the Mass becomes a brilliant teacher of the reverent Christian life.

I write all of these things not to claim that we have figured it out or that our kids are star Catholics.  Hardly.  This is written from a Mom who just last week scolded her kids because (again), they were climbing on the statues after Mass.  Big No No.  This is written from a Mom who still longs for vibrant children's programs, who is constantly breaking up the daily battles of who called who a mean name, and who has to remind one adorable set of twin boys that crawling under the pews at the conclusion of Mass is not exactly, appropriate. 

This is written by a Mom who wants to encourage parents who may be in the same position that we were two years ago; swearing that they would never successfully be able to sit with their kids in Mass and actually like it, terrified to take them from the warmth of an Evangelical setting to the unknown hour of Sunday Mass.

If I could say any encouragement, it would be to have patience, and be amazed at what God will do with your obedience.  We have learned that our parenting must be more purposeful than ever.  We are constantly teaching our kids Scripture lessons, teaching them about the different aspects of the Mass, and daily proclaiming the love that Christ has for them.  As a result, incredible conversations have been discussed, and we have been blown away by their minds, and the questions which they ask.  We are shocked at some of the theological truths they are grasping, slowly letting stories become concepts, that become exciting realities in which they can confidently place their hope.

The Mass can be difficult to walk in and understand upon first experience, but that does not make it impossible to love.  Our hope is that some day the Catholic Church will be the best place around to bring children to learn the love of Christ.  Perhaps it already is with the fullness of the Eucharist.  We are grateful that our initial frustrations taught us that parenting Christian kids means realizing with holy fear the great responsibility we have been given.  Whether or not they go to Sunday School or listen in a Mass, kids will look to their parents first for guidance and example.  If we vibrantly love Jesus, they will hopefully want to love him too.  For we have been promised: train up our children in the way they should go, and when they are old they will not depart from it. 

Raising a child in a Catholic Mass is hard.  But on many days so too is following Christ.  It means taking up a cross, which embraces hurt and confusion, and completely trusts in the one who carried the ultimate burden.  This is the hope that I have for our Catholic kids.  I will do my best to bring them to the Savior's feet, and may his mighty Will complete the rest. 

The Difficulty of Realizing Sacred Priveledges - thoughts from Blessed Cardinal John Henry Newman

"We begin our Catechism by confessing that we are risen, but it takes a long life to apprehend what we confess. We are like people waking from sleep, who cannot collect their thoughts at once, or understand where they are. By little and little the truth breaks upon us. Such are we in the present world; sons of light, gradually waking to a knowledge of themselves. For this let us meditate, let us pray, let us work,—gradually to attain to a real apprehension of what we are."

 

The words of Blessed Cardinal Henry Newman have continued to be a deep form of comfort to me in closing of Lent and the current fifty days of Easter (yes, the Church celebrates it for fifty days!).  Lent, a season of penance, sacrifice, and solemnity concludes with the rejoicing of Easter bells, the Church triumphant celebrating the risen Lord.  He who walked through the parched desert and was slain has now triumphed over the grave, restoring us with him and rising to give us, abundant life. 

 

Yet, in this new identity of Catholic, in which I find myself, it is hard to completely assent to what I know to be true. I desire to fully and joyfully appreciate that with which I can now take part, yet it seems as if an assenting of the heart may be slower than the acceptance of the mind.  My mind tells me that the Eucharist is the whole person of Jesus before me, and now, within me. My mind tells me that Jesus has called me to his Church in an act of repairing wounds and healing division.  It is all true, to be sure.  Yet though my mind understands, my heart still suffers as in the days of Lent.  

 

The last two years have been, in our lives, an extended period of Lent.  We are tired, somewhat exhausted, and a bit bruised from the journey.  And so when I wonder why I am slow to grasp the full weight of Easter Joy, I remind myself of this great sermon.  Newman saw the difficultly in understanding immediately any great joy or great sorrow.  We, I, find it difficult to embrace with all earnestness and fullness the gift of my confirmation and membership with Christ's body, while a large part of my daily experience still exits among the wounds of the Reformation.  Unity has not been restored, distrust and disapproval still exits for our decision to enter the Church, and even though the Eucharist is Fact, it will take time for our hearts to follow the knowledge that has been assented to within our minds.  Every Sunday the Gloria is sung and the host of Angels are forever proclaiming the Hallelujah truth of the Risen Christ, but the process to fully comprehend all of these divine Truths, as Newman states, may come slowly, and that should be okay. 
 

So my friend, (Mr. Newman), gives me hope.  My conversion need not become realized by the changing of the Church calendar, or a theological grasp of transubstantiation.  Rather it will be understood over a lifetime of gradual learning and following of the Good Shepherd who called this sheep by name. I know with confidence that while he asks us to give up the milk of infants for pure spiritual food, he does not demand immediate comprehension, just immediate obedience and trust.  He simply asks us to abide, to remain, to return, and to wait.  St. Paul in Philippians 1:9 reassures us that discerning the full will of God is a process that is marked by an increase in love, and knowledge, resulting in blamelessness on the day of Christ Jesus.  Or in the words of Cardinal Newman, eventually we give up the shadows and find the substance.  I look forward to this, the day which I look back and realize that little by little, day by day, the Lord has made sense of this conversion, has produced fruit from it, and has led my heart to an overflowing appreciation of this Sacred Privilege to which he has called me.
 

 

 "Thus, as time goes on, we shall gain first one thing, then another. By little and little we shall give up shadows and find the substance. Waiting on God day by day, we shall make progress day by day, and approach to the true and clear view of what He has made us to be in Christ. Year by year we shall gain something, and each Easter, as it comes, will enable us more to rejoice with heart and understanding in that great salvation which Christ then accomplished."

 

 Blessed Cardinal John Henry Newman

 

ps...to read the sermon, (which is fabulous and highly worth the time), go Here. You will not regret it.

 

 

 

First Eucharist

The truth of the Eucharist hit me early on in the conversion process, where many theological truths hit me: on the treadmill.  Somewhere between trying to convince myself to go one more mile, and hanging on to every word of a worship song, I realized that Jesus really did mean what he said; his flesh was real food, his blood was real drink, and whoever ate and drank of it had eternal life. 

The words of John 6, which I had been studying and contemplating for months, came to a crashing halt while I ran, and I knew then I would spend the next year hungering for Him until I could finally do that, in remembrance, of Him. 

I have been asked questions about the Eucharist. What did I think would happen when I ate the piece of bread?  How can I believe that Jesus was speaking literally when he also claimed to be the door, the water, and vine?  Can I say that the day on which I would receive Him for the first time will be better than the day that I first invited him into my heart? 

Some of those questions are hard to hear when one is in a small way, staking everything that they believed on a seemingly simple, piece of bread.  But after reading enough history of the early Church, what they believed and wrote about the Eucharist, after reading Paul and his insistence; "the bread that we break, is it not a participation in the body of Christ" and after really discerning Jesus's words in John 6, I knew, that was no ordinary bread.  Although he calls himself many things in Scripture, his insistence in John was different from his analogy of a vine, or a door.  People never walked away and claimed his thoughts on doors were too hard to accept.  They did, however, leave him at the end of John 6.

The Eucharist is hard to wrap our human minds around.  How can a piece of bread actually become Jesus?  As he reminded his followers that night, "It is the spirit that gives life, the flesh is of no avail."  We cannot find the words or the thoughts to believe this by our own human wills.  The flesh is corrupt, unbelieving, and at times, blinded. (Romans 8:6).  Yet the spirit within us groans with heavenly truths that are only revealed to us by the grace of the Father. (Romans 8:26 and Matthew 16:17).  Just as Jesus hid his Divinity under the appearance of a man, so too does he hide his divinity under the appearance of bread and wine.  What we cannot see with our eyes can be opened with our hearts.

And so on the night of Easter Vigil, when I walked up to receive Jesus in the bread and the wine for the first time, when the day of my treadmill run had come full circle, so many thoughts flooded through my mind.

I came thankful for my upbringing in a faithful Christian home.  Thankful that I was taught to love Scripture, to search for truth, and to have confidence that truth could be found. 

I came thankful for the journey of conversion.  Thankful that for two years He had called me by name into this place, and for two years he had walked every step of the way with me, even when it was hard, or lonely, or painful.

I came thankful for the friends that sat in the pew in front of me.  Thankful for their amazing examples of Catholicism as a living and vibrant body of Christ in which I had found support and love.

I came thankful for the family members who came for that night, and the ones who were encouraging even though not present.  Because even though they may not have understood our desire to become Catholic, they love Jesus, and they supported, for love of us. 

I came thankful for the priests who had talked with us, prayed for us, from a distance and within our home parish.  Thankful that they who had dedicated their lives to the Church and to Christ had sacrificed so much so that I could now be one with my Savior.

I came in honor of my friend who cannot yet receive Jesus, although she yearns so greatly for Him.  I came because in the incomprehensible, amazing body of Christ, we have the ability to fill up what is lacking among our fellow members. 

I came thankful for my husband who walked beside me.  Thankful that even though a few weeks before I had seen frustration and concern in his face, this night,  I saw complete peace.  This night, together,  my beloved spouse led me humbly and joyfully to the fullness of my heavenly One.

I came thankful for this first step in my families life of faith within the Catholic Church.  Knowing that although this night was particularly special, it was only the beginning of a lifetime journey.  I came to the Eucharist so that one day my kids might be drawn to it, so that the ripple effect of a conversion would continue as far as the Lord saw fit. 

I came, because on the road to Emmaus, after the two disciples had walked, talked, and listened to Jesus, they still were unaware of the risen Lord beside them.  Their hearts had been set aflame with Scripture, history, the past and present events from Moses to the current day, but it was only in the breaking of the bread that their eyes were open and they saw Jesus.  It was after he did that that they remembered his words to do this.   (Luke 24).  I came to the Eucharist because the Bible itself proclaims that it is here, ultimately, where I find most fully, a union with my Savior.

As I ran on the treadmill that day, I received the grace of desiring Jesus; body, blood, soul, and divinity in the Eucharist.  It seemed like a very long time from that day to the night of Easter Vigil.  But I am thankful for the journey, thankful for my Emmaus Road, thankful for all of the people who the Lord used and continues to use in my life that have become for me living examples of lives lived among the Eucharist.  For this is his body, broken for me.  May I always remember to do this, in remembrance, of Him.

Confession: Why Go

My last post was simply about the experience of my first confession.  The Why's behind the Going were not written.  So I felt like I needed to clearly state what the teachings were that brought me to a place of standing in line, ready to possibly lose my dinner at the thought of confessing my sins.

The clearest proof for me in understanding the teaching of confession was my own reflection in the mirror.  On the one hand, I  am already a follower of Jesus, and I believe that  the sting of death has been removed as a result of Christ's death and resurrection on the cross.  Yet I still sin.  As Paul states, "For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want." (Romans 7:19). 

The glory of the passion of the Lord was that the gates of the Garden of Eden were once again opened.  No longer were Cherubim guards protecting the tree that was the symbol of man's disobedience. Rather, Jesus Christ, the perfect Fruit of a womb, willingly hung from another tree, opening for all people and for all time the ability to once again walk in the Garden with the Lord God in the cool of the day.  (Joseph of Arimethea's tomb was in a Garden: John 19:41).  Paradise, had been restored.  But I still sin. 

As baptism washes away the stain of Original Sin inherited from our first parents, "now you have had yourselves washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and in the Spirit of our God," (1 Corinthians 6:11), we still get dirty.  We struggle to live by the Spirit and to put off the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16).  We fail to daily take up our cross, to crucify our flesh with its passions and desires, and we very often provoke one another, and are envious. (5:24).  At least I know that I do.  And Paul warns, "God is not mocked, for a person will reap only what he sows, because the one who sows in the flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows for the spirit will reap eternal life from the spirit." Confession, is the means of Grace that Jesus has established within his Church; lovingly cleansing his followers clean of the sins that so easily entangle on a daily basis, equipping us to better run the races that have been marked out, for us all

On Holy Thursday evening, as Jesus began washing the disciples feet, Peter was so eager for a cleansing from Jesus that he asked the Lord, "Master, then not only my feet, but my hands and head as well."  Yet Jesus replied, "Whoever has bathed (been baptized) has no need except to have his feet washed, for he is clean all over."  In washing Peter's feet, Jesus was foreshadowing an act of purifying oneself after an initial baptism.  We have been welcomed into the family of God by nature of our baptism, by the conversion of our sinful hearts to a relationship with his immaculate heart.  Yet the concupiscence of sin still pervades our thoughts, words, and actions, and it is this that needs to be periodically cleaned so that we can enter more fully into our masters Divine Will.  Confession, is just this type of foot washing. 

It is also a simple Biblical fact that Jesus, after his resurrection gave his disciples the power to forgive sins.  In John 20, after the resurrection, Jesus Breathes on his disciples, then states, "Whose sins you forgive are forgiven, and whose sins you retain, are retained."  The priest, by nature of his ordination, acts as a type of Christ in the confessional.  He is not forgiving my sin.  Christ, through the ordination of the priest, is forgiving my sin.  The priest has been given authority from Christ in the binding and loosing of sins "whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven." (Matthew 18:18).

I found it difficult as I was investigating Catholicism to argue against the strong Biblical proofs that Jesus did indeed give some type of authority to his disciples, that they in turn passed down through the laying on of hands: (see Acts 6:6, and 2 Timothy 1:6),  through ordination (Acts 14:23), and through the words that were previously taught and adhered to: "remain faithful to what you have learned and believed, because you know from whom you learned it." (2 Timothy 3:14).  Again, in Hebrews 13:7, "Remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you.  Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith."  Part of the authority that he gave to them was the act of the forgiveness of sins, under the authority of Christ. Non Catholics must at the very least wrestle with these verses and take an honest look at what Jesus was instituting among the disciples. 

The writers of the New Testament were constantly discussing the benefits and commands of confessing sins.  John writes in 1 John 1:9, "If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  James 5:15-16 states, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed."  Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians, demonstrates his apostolic authority, "For indeed what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for you in the presence of Christ."  This passage in 2 Corinthians 2:10 is widely believed to be Paul speaking of his authority as "in persona Christi" (in the person of Christ).. exactly what the Priests do to this day. 

Confession was an integral part of the Christian life that the disciples practiced, the early church practiced, and the earliest Fathers of the Church practiced.  I came to think that if my own life in the church did not resemble the earliest believers and writers in the Church, who walked with Him, and were taught by Him, then maybe my own beliefs needed to change, instead of demanding that they conform to me. 

Ignatius of Antioch (A.D. 110)

"For as many as are of God and of Jesus Christ are also with the bishop. And as many as shall, in the exercise of penance, return into the unity of the Church, these, too, shall belong to God, that they may live according to Jesus Christ" (Letter to the Philadelphians 3 [A.D. 110]).

The Didache: (The teaching of the 12 Apostles, widely referenced in Church History)

"Confess your sins in church, and do not go up to your prayer with an evil conscience. This is the way of life. . . . On the Lord’s Day gather together, break bread, and give thanks, after confessing your transgressions so that your sacrifice may be pure" (Didache 4:14, 14:1 [A.D. 70]).

There are many other quotes and writings of the early Church Fathers that even though are not inspired by the Holy Spirit like the Biblical texts, they give us a vivid glimpse into the workings, thoughts, and teachings of the early Church.  And the early Church practiced the sacrament of confession, even to the current day.  Catholics teach it because to grow in holiness one must be continually about the act of purification.  The more we rid ourselves from the desires of the flesh, the more we start to put on the life of Christ.  The more dirt that we have wiped clean, the brighter the light is allowed to shine.

That is the teaching, that led me to the line, that brought me face to face with the evil of sin, but ultimately the Grace of the Lord Jesus, himself.  For he promises if we knock, he will answer.  If we seek, we shall find, and if we open our hearts to him, he is faithful, and through our confessions will purify us from all unrighteousness.

Confession of a Convert

Two things come to mind when I relive my first Reconciliation experience.  First, the gift of reconciliation is profound, and second, confession among devout Catholic families is an amazing tool of leading by example that every family should utilize. 

As I waited in line for my first confession, seriously doubting the intelligence on my part of a pre confession taco dinner, I prayed for peace.  I quickly came to realize, however, that perhaps peace was what I came to receive, but not something that I should gain; first.  That lump quickly coming up in my throat was caused by thirty two years of built up sin.  Nervousness included, yes.  Especially when I was about to tell another human being, whom I greatly respect, awful things about myself.  But because sin and peace are opposing forces, sin should, and ultimately will, cause immense discomfort. If I am never made to bear the discomfort of the reality of sin, how will I ever truly thirst for a deeper love for my Savior? 

Peace through forgiveness was the only remedy that would ultimately quiet my heart, and my ascending taco.  As I sat down with my parish Pastor, a gentle and kind man, and began reading my list, I cried, and he cried. But I did not feel judged.  I felt the Love of Christ that every single one of his disciples must have felt.  I finally knew the peace that Mary Magdalene found, the restoration that Peter received, the promise of a new life like Paul had encountered.  My priest became for me the embodiment of Jesus, himself.  Pouring himself out for each and every soul that comes to him for forgiveness and a new Yoke.  With the words of absolution, my discomfort was removed; peace rushing in.

I was not, however, prepared for the ultimate impression that I would leave with that night.  My confession was held at a penance service where my sponsor, her husband, and two of their children came for their own reconciliations.  At a Penance service, confessions, while not public, are visible.  Multiple priests fill a church and those gathered chose their desired confessor.  Some are behind closed doors, but some are not.  Conversations are private, yet the act, is public.  The unexpected grace of watching a devout family, each individually, turn to the Lord for restoration was astounding to this Catholic convert.  How awesome for a child to watch a parent humbly receive forgiveness and place themselves very visibly under the sole authority of Christ.  A parent is the primary Evangelizer to their children, this was living out the faith by simple example, and it intrigued me.

As I stood in line struggling to control my shaking hands and legs, I watched a young boy boldly approach a priest in order to seek the Lord.  I watched him then kneel in quiet prayer reflecting on his new found forgiveness.  While the world aims to teach young teens that their only value is what they do with their bodies, I watched a beautiful teenage girl act twice as brave as me, a woman twice her age, silently voice her protest to those lies as she approached her reconciliation. For her peace with the Lord was greater than acceptance from the world.  And I watched their Mom, my humble and inspiring sponsor, demonstrate to her children that seeking first the Lord and his forgiveness is better than any prideful façade we Mothers may try to present to our kids.  Christ not only gave me peace for my own life, but through them, gave me a glimpse into the incredible benefits of a deeply devoted Catholic family. 

My first reconciliation was a treasure chest of Grace.  I came and received what I had come for; namely, forgiveness.  What I left with, however, were memories etched in my mind, positive reminders that a life lived in the bosom of the Catholic Church, under the headship of the Risen Lord, can not only heal individuals, but can form entire households of faith. But that's just the nature of Jesus, giving us beyond what we could even ask or imagine; be it poor choices in dinner or a surprising young witness to the Faith.  Thursday night family confessions, anyone?  I hear they can be quite the source of a fun filled celebration!

Today

Today, as the earth waits in silence for the light of the Savior to come out from the tomb, I too, await in joyful hope for the Vigil of Holy Saturday. 

Today, as my husbands Grandfather celebrates his birthday, in the presence of the communion of Saints, around the throne of the Lamb, side by side with his loving wife, we rejoice that by his intercessions to the King of Kings, we have been led into the fullness of the Holy Catholic Church. 

Today is a day in which a journey that began two years ago for us, has roots which can be traced back to the beginning of time. For my Savior knew me before I was ever conceived. Before this world was ever created, He has called all men to himself. 

Today he has called me by name, because he loves me.  Today I stand with the men and women of old, who have come before, who have given their lives, who have spoken through the prophets, that Jesus, the Christ, is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords;  And that this King has given us the gift of a Church, his body, in which there is only one Head, Jesus Christ. 

Today I become one with him, through the Eucharistic bread, which is His body, given up for me.  With His blood, the blood of the new covenant, which is poured out, for me.

Today I wait with his Mother, our Holy Mother, who was given to us all, on the cross.  "Woman, behold your Son.  Son, behold your mother."  A lowly Virgin, made glorious, through the redemption of her Son. 

Today I stand with his Bride, the Church.  Confessing as they have always done, that this Paschal mystery has taken place for the redemption of my sin, and the sins of the whole world. 

Today I stand professing One Baptism for the forgiveness of sins, the Communion of Saints, the Resurrection of the Dead, and a life, Everlasting. 

Today I become a member of the Holy Catholic Church, through it's bruises and faults, and failures, and weaknesses.  Because the Creator of the Universe has called me to membership among his body, and I must obey.  Because today, if you hear his voice, harden not your hearts, but return to the Lord. 

Today, on the Vigil of Easter Sunday, as all of creation waits in eager expectation for the sound of a rolled away stone, I praise my Lord for this journey of faith, and the faith of his people, especially for the faith of a man, celebrating a birthday, in the presence of the communion of Saints, praying me and my family into his beloved Catholic Church.

Today we wait in silence; tonight the bells of Salvation and Victory will ring supreme.  His Word has gone forth, it will not return empty.  It has come calling to me, and today, I say Yes. 

Happy Birthday Grandpa Bill... I will look for you among the yellow sweaters.

And a Friend's a Friend, Forever...

Telling a story about how three women came to be friends is intimate, and almost too personal to write for a public eye.  Partly because the story would have three different versions if told from one individual perspective, and partly because such a close bond has been formed that I will inevitably be unable to properly tell our story with the depth that it deserves. 

Tabitha and I on the weekend of my kids Baptism

But when the hand of God has literally reached into my life more profoundly than I had ever believed possible, I must respond with encouragement to others that holy friendships should be sought after, desired for, and ultimately received, from the King of Kings, himself. 

Looking back the beginning of His plan began with a meeting with Fr. John Riccardo.  I documented that meeting in detail, here. When I returned home to our local parish, I was energized due to the answered prayer, but still longing for close friends who would understand my desire to become Catholic, preferably from similar Evangelical backgrounds, and boldly began praying for like minded friends. 

Silence seemed to be God's way of allowing me to become completely trusting in him alone.  I waited, some days impatiently, most days on my knees in begging prayers, finding solace in his Scriptural promises.

Psalm 27:3 "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living.  Wait for the Lord.  Be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord."

Sirach 6:14 -16

"Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one has found a treasure.  Faithful friends are beyond price; no amount can balance their worth.  Faithful friends are life saving medicine; and those who fear the Lord will find them."

The day I heard a radio sermon preached on the above verse, by Fr. Riccardo, no less, was a day I felt duped in the Catholic friend search.  I was weary, lonely, and saw no hope on the horizon for ever uniting so deeply with someone with whom I could share my new found faith and my Evangelical upbringing.  Yet that verse grabbed me and caught my attention as a promise through my stereo speakers.  Something big was coming, if only I could wait for the Lord to work out everything for good. 

Meeting Lindsay in person for the first time

I continued to document the ups and downs of wading into Catholicism.  Always assuming I was writing solely for self therapy, always gaining peace when my biggest frustrations had to be flushed through a keyboard first before gaining an irrational force of their own. I didn't believe anyone but my husband was reading it; I wrote for my own memories, never thinking others may be interested in what a quirky convert had to say. 

Truth is, that statement is correct.  But people do tend to care about what a fabulous priest has to say, and sometimes in the wonderful world of Google, measly blog posts about such a priest bring up quirky converts experiences with said brilliant priest. 

And this is how our friendship came to be.  Three converts, separate States, facing different circumstances yet united by a desire to follow our Lord back into his Catholic Church, converged into one another by the sheer gift of God, and similar appreciation for a well preached homily.  Added icing to our friendship cake was the realization that our friendly priest knew us all by name, and was in the process of putting us into contact with one another.  Yet even before he had moved, Christ had moved.  Before numbers were passed along and text messages exchanged, God had been redeeming the Internet and search engines to form a holy friendship that would blossom beyond words.

Because God even looks out for the husbands

To some, it sounds simply as, "I met my friends online."  To me, however, experiencing what has taken place in the last few months rings more as, "The Lord has answered my prayer and sent me beloved friends through miraculous measures in order to more fully serve Him and his Kingdom." 

Morning Mass with a friend is a little piece of early Heaven

We do not know what it will look like, or where the Lord will use us in his grand Kingdom plan, (not to mention when all three of us will meet in the same state!)... but we are confident that whatever it becomes, or however he calls us, we will do it with one another's prayers, support, and love.  The gift of a friend in any time is a treasure.  Jesus has brought many lovely friendships into my life when I most needed them.  The gift of these two women has been the evidence of his Grace abundantly flowing into my life, his words of wisdom spoken through their hearts, and his voice of encouragement that no journey in following him is accomplished alone. 



"For where two or three have gathered together in my Name, I am there in their midst."

Matthew 18:20

 

 

Grace in the Catechisim

It has been said to us that the reason for why we can embrace the doctrines and teachings of the Catholic Church is due to our Evangelical upbringings in understanding the true meaning of the Grace of God.  Therefore we can more easily reconcile the Catholic view of Grace because we will always hold on to our deep (true) roots of God's Grace being the unmerited, unwarranted, undeserved, gift of the Lord.  It has been accused that Catholics do not believe this, that they believe in a works based form of Grace that is "dolled" out through the sacraments from an almost stingy God that makes one reach up in order for him to look down. 

Do Catholic's believe that God's Grace is all sufficient, freely given, freely received?
Quotes from the Catechism are in blue

"Our Justification comes from the grace of God. 

Grace is favor, the free and undeserved help that God gives us to respond to his call to become children of God, adoptive sons, partakers of the divine nature and of eternal life."

Catechism of the Catholic Church (paragraph 1996)

Grace is a participation in the life of God.  It introduces us into the intimacy of Trinitarian life; by Baptism  the Christian participates in the grace of Christ, the Head of his Body.  As an "adopted son" he can henceforth call God "Father," in union with the only Son. He receives the life of the Spirit who breathes charity into him and who forms the Church.

This vocation to eternal life is supernatural.  It depends entirely on God's gratuitous initiative, for he alone can reveal and give himself.  It surpasses the power of human intellect and will, as that of every other creature.

The grace of Christ is the gratuitous gift that God makes to us of his own life, infused by the Holy Spirit into our soul to heal it of sin and to sanctify it.  It is the sanctifying or deifying grace received in Baptism.  It is in us the source of the work of sanctification.

(Therefore if any one is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, the new has come.  All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself.) 2 Cor. 5:17 - 18

To summarize the Catechism thus far:

Grace is favor, free and undeserved help from God

Grace is participation in the life of God

Grace depends entirely on God's initiative

Grace is a gratuitous gift from God

Sanctifying grace is an habitual gift, a stable and supernatural disposition that perfects the soul itself to enable it to live with God, to act by his love.  Habitual grace, the permanent disposition to live and act in keeping with God's call, is distinguished from actual graces which refer to God's interventions, whether at the beginning of conversion or in the course of the work of sanctification.

(ie: when one is in Christ, the only way such person can do anything that merits God's favor is because they were first given the gift of Grace.  God first intervenes to bring us to him, because we, being dead in our sins, are unable to find him on our own.  Once we are adopted into his family, we then receive sanctifying Grace that allows us to grow in him, purify ourselves, and be partakers of his divine nature (2 Peter 1:4)

The preparation of man for the reception of grace is already a work of grace.  This latter (grace)  is needed to arouse and sustain our collaboration in justification through faith, and in sanctification through charity.  God brings to completion in us what he has begun, "since he who completes his work by cooperating with our will began by working so that we might will it."

Indeed we also work, but we are only collaborating with God who works, for his mercy has gone before us.  It has gone before us so that we may be healed, and follows us so that once healed, we may be give life; it goes before us so that we may be called, and follows us so that we may be glorified; it goes before us so that we may live devoutly, and follows us so that we may always live with God; for without him we can do nothing. (St. Augustine).

(ie: there is nothing you can do for God without first receiving his Grace.  This Grace then allows us to participate with God as he redeems us and perfects us. )

God's free initiative demands man's free response, for God has created man in his image by conferring on him, along with freedom, the power to know him and love him.  The soul only enters freely into the communion of love.  God immediately touches and directly moves the hearts of man.  He has placed in man a longing for truth and goodness that only he can satisfy.  The promise of "eternal life" responds, beyond all hope, to this desire;

If at the end of your very good works... you rested on the seventh day, it was to foretell by the voice of your book that at the end of our works, which are indeed, "very good" since you have given them to us, we shall also rest in you on the Sabbath of eternal life. (St. Augustine).

Grace is first and foremost the gift of the Spirit who justifies and sanctifies us.  But grace also includes the gifts that the Spirit grants us to associate us with his work, to enable us to collaborate in the salvation of others and in the growth of the Body of Christ, the Church.  There are sacramental graces, gifts proper to the different sacraments.  There are furthermore special graces, also called charisms after the Greek term used by St. Paul and meaning, "favor," gratuitous gift," "benefit." Whatever their character - sometimes  it is extraordinary , such as the gift of miracles or of tongues - charisms are oriented towards sanctifying grace and are intended for the common good of the Church.  They are at the service of charity which builds up the Church."

Since it belongs to the supernatural order, grace escapes our experience and cannot be known except by faith.  We cannot therefore rely on our feelings or our works to conclude that we are justified and saved.  However, according to the Lord's words - "Thus you will know them by their fruits" - reflection on God's blessings in our life and in the lives of the saints offers us a guarantee that grace is at work in us and spurs us on to an ever greater faith and an attitude of trustful poverty.

To Summarize:



• Grace is favor, free and undeserved help from God
• Grace is participation in the life of God
• Grace depends entirely on God's initiative
• Grace is a gratuitous gift from God
• Sanctifying Grace is a gift that allows us to participate in the life of the Spirit, perfecting man
• Preparing man to receive initial Grace is already an act of Grace by God
• We are able to remain in Christ and to be sanctified in him because he has bestowed his grace upon us.  We cannot act of our own might.
• Man must freely respond to this Grace.  God will not force his Grace upon us, because he is love, and love does not coerce.
• All man has a longing in his soul to know his Creator and to receive eternal life.
• Grace is first of all a gift from Christ to save us.  Grace is also gifts that the Spirit gives us to aid in the spreading of salvation and to the building up of His Body.
• Grace can only be known by faith.  We cannot rely on our own merits to conclude salvation.  However, if we see growth, fruit, and holiness within our lives, we can know that the grace of God is working within our lives and have hope for that prize to which we have been called, eternal life with him.

The Catholic Church is adamant that one cannot work their way to heaven, it is a sheer gift of the Lord, God's grace freely given so that man may be redeemed.  Once received, man must respond to his Grace.  God is a lover, he will not force himself upon us.  St. James tells us faith without works is dead.

What good is it my brothers, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and well fed', but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if not accompanied by action, is dead.  But someone will say, "You have faith, I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is one God.  Good! Even the demons believe that, and shudder." James 2:14/19

And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house upon the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against the house, and it fell. Matthew7:26

For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but faith working through love. Galatians 5:6

By Faith, Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was in the act of offering up his only son. Hebrews 11:17

They profess to know God but deny him by their works. They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work. Titus 1:16

I could go on, there are many more, but this post is getting long. The point being, faith without works equates to dead faith is a Biblical belief.  The sacraments, rather than being acts of a works based system, are the channels in which God sends down specific graces that equip and aid one in their walk towards total and complete union with Him in heaven, and which are used to further build up His Body, the Church.  They are not dolled out according to the whim or holiness of the administrator.  They are given out from the person of Christ himself, who has entrusted His Bride to bring all people to himself, the Bridegroom. 

The Evangelical world does not have a monopoly on the definition of the Grace of God.  The Catholic Church does not have final authority on who will receive the Grace of God.  That is the work of Christ, alone.  He is the head of his Church, but if he chooses to work outside of those visible walls to extend his Grace upon those unaware or distrusting of a representative of the Church, then he is God, and he can act. 

I come to the Catholic Church precisely because of what they hold true about God's Grace.  The Evangelical Church taught me to search for Him above all else, because there is no greater gift than the grace that has been freely poured down from the Father.  The Catholic Church now teaches me how to remain in him once that Grace has been given and received.  Grace cannot be cheapened; accepted, but not moved to action. Because although it was freely first given to me, it was bought with a Price. It was bought with a Life.  And because HE thought it was important to put actions to his words, then maybe I should be willing to as well. 







Forty Days for My Life

Easter is quickly approaching.. which inevitably means the beginning of Lent, which in its completion marks the true beginning of my journey into the fullness of the faith.  On the one hand, I find great comfort in knowing that this period of discernment will be over; a soul can only take so much before it literally crumbles under the pressure to get things correct; eternity, after all,  is at stake.   On the other hand, I have experienced the closeness of God like never before in the last 18 months, so much so that although I believe I will only know Him deeper in full communion with his Body, the Church, I will miss this initial honeymoon experience of my Savior leading me step by step, hour by hour, to become one with Him.

For my own memory, I wanted to write my current thoughts now just shy of forty days until Easter Vigil.  Similar the great Saints who came before, whose lives of faith were deepened and expanded only as time went on, that too will be our experience.  I will not, and do not, have to be sure of everything at this very moment.  I am only asked to trust that the Lord is the King of this process, that he has in his Sovereignty and mercy established his Bride, the Church, here on earth,  so that all may be welcomed into the family of faith, united under the one Head of it all, Christ. 

Under the Church, I find that Scripture is alive like never before.  When I read the Bible in light of a Catholic lens, there is a depth and a wisdom there that I had never been able to access.  It is ironic how the undermining of Scripture in favor of tradition is a widespread criticism of the Catholic Church, when the fact is that once I studied Scripture in light of that tradition, through the guidance of the Church, I fell in love like never before with the Word.  I cannot express it enough; the closer Scripture is read to it's original birthplace (the Church) the deeper and more profound it becomes.  Much like a wireless Internet connection gains or looses strength depending on it's proximity to the router, so too is Scripture when held within the bosom of the Church.  There are mysteries, hidden in the subtleness of the passages, acting as seeds to greater truths, that are revealed within the time and places that the Lord sees most beneficial to his people.  Tradition does not trump Scripture.  Tradition allows Scripture to be understood, and Scripture holds the birthplace of all Tradition, whether overtly stated or gracefully alluded. 

The Saints are friends who will come along side of every faithful person if the person desires their aid.  Although this may sound odd to my non Catholic friends, I have been taken under the wing of Blessed Cardinal John Henry Newman, learning from his writings, his thoughts, and I am confident prayed for by him at the Father's feet.  I did not search this Saint on my own. He literally presented himself to us in the form of random Saint drawing at the New Year's Day Mass.  My Priest asked that we all pull blindly from a basket one Saint who we could read about and be encouraged by in this new calendar year.  My entire family was not with me, so I picked names for them as well.  I drew two John Henry Newman's, and later found a third stuck in my pocket that I did not remember grabbing. 

Newman was a convert from Anglicanism, who faced immense ridicule and pressure in his conversion process.  After he became Catholic, he gave his life to praying for the unity among all Christian people. And although we have not experienced the level of trauma that he did, in giving up his very livelihood for Catholicism, we have experienced at best confusion whether or not we have turned our backs on Jesus all together, and at worst stern warnings of doubt as to the truth of the entire Catholic Church.  His quotes, writings, and encouragements have randomly found themselves into my emails from unknowing friends, Bible studies, and various circumstances.  Reading his Apologia Pro Vita Sua (A Defense of His Life) has given me a unexpected confidant in a person who has walked a similar journey, and found comfort through the same doors I wish to enter.  The Saints are alive and well, praying for us; gifts from a loving Father who desires we all confidently approach the throne of Grace. 

Catholic friends are something to be held close, cherished at all times, and prayed for, continually.  We were not created to do this alone.  The body of Christ is a organism made up of humans, attached and built up by one another.  On our own, Jesus can be sought after, yet with one another, Jesus can be known and we can be transformed.  "Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love another.  No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." (1 John 4:11).

If you are coming into the Church, and feel very alone, "suffocated" as we called it early on.. pray for Catholic Friends.  Pray unceasingly, pray like the Persistent Widow.  And the God who loves to bestow Good gifts on his children will answer.  He created the communion of Saints so that we may all encourage and help each other along in this gift of Faith, and he will provide hands and faces of his very self to aid us in that pursuit. 

"Friends are a sturdy shelter;

Whoever finds one has found a treasure.

Faithful friends are beyond price;

No amount can balance their worth.

Faithful friends are life saving medicine;

And those who fear the Lord will find them."

Sirach 6:14 - 16

The disciplines of the Church, especially in the season of Lent are made to prepare us for the coming celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus.  Many non Catholic churches wisely practice a period of penance, alms giving, and fasting in the same manner.  As Robert Barron, a Catholic priest in the Chicago area said beautifully, "In the desert we will meet a God who is love through and through."  Through the encouragement and support of divine friends I have learned to understand and appreciate the discipline of fasting, through the example of devout Catholic women I have learned how to pray, and I am praying that this Lent will open my eyes to the practice of alms giving in order that what I have been given will not be buried away and selfishly kept only for myself.  The Catholic disciplines lead one into a greater reverence and devotion to the Lord, they are again, mercifully shared with the people to build up the Church.  

Last year I experienced Lent through the eyes of one sitting in the pew, discerning whether or not I would take the steps necessary to become a full fledged Catholic.  Last year I yearned to have the discipline of those surrounding me through church and radio and books, but did not yet have the training or knowledge to happily enter into the desert.  Last year I considered them wise, but burdensome, and often felt overwhelmed due to inexperience and lack of support.  This year, as Lent has begun, the training is no less difficult, but it has a profoundly different end.  This year my Lent will end with the full rejoicing of the union with Jesus that I have sought for years.  This year, as the desert ends, and the celebration of the resurrection is hailed, the celebration of my life living as a Catholic among the body of Christ will begin. 

"Fear not that thy life shall come to an end, but rather that it shall never have a beginning."

Blessed Cardinal John Henry Newman

Discernment, and the Oscars

This is not a Catholic post, or a denominational post.  This is a post written because I have tried unsuccessfully to sleep for the last 2 hours.  This is typically what  happens when the Lord is speaking and my thoughts all begin to flow in essay form about something that will not rest until words are put to paper.

This post is about discernment.  And as I type that word I am also reminding myself to discern well what is being said, because topics like this can quickly become heated and argumentative instead of logically discussing disagreements within the public square of ideas. 

Last night was the Oscars.  Yes, I chose to watch it because I like to imagine what it would be like to have my hair and make up perfectly styled along side of my gorgeous made for me and only me, gown.  I'm a woman, it's what we do.  I quickly settled into the couch and gave up the next four hours of my life to shallow acceptance speeches, awkward laughs, and the occasional inspirational song.  Who doesn't get a bit misty when Bette Midler becomes the Wind Beneath our Wings?

I sat and watched unto the final award.  Yet before the Best Movie was announced, I had already  sufficiently found myself disturbed by one acceptance speech in particular.  The best actor's acceptance speech was broken down into a three part thank you speech.  The first half went to God.  The second half went to his family, and the third going to his hero, which actually turned out to be none other than himself. 

Please note this "need to write" was not a need to slam one actors personality or question his genuine love for God or his family (or himself).  I don't give up precious sleep to harp about celebrities.  I do, however, find myself concerned with the response that his speech drummed up among Facebook feeds, especially those of professing Christians. 

Feed after feed I woke this morning and saw postings of friends sharing the speech across the internet.  Hailing such titles as "A Real Man thanks God 1st" or "A must See!" "Awesome," "#ThankGod."  I did not see the movie, but from the clips and a few Google searches, I'm confident it wouldn't have changed this post. If the speech for the win of the best supporting actor was any indicator, it was not a movie for the faint of heart or for those seeking a purely entertaining two hours. I was initially impressed when the supporting actor thanked his mom who had been a pregnant high school drop out and chose life, meaning, him.  It could have been a poster for the Pro Life Cause.  However he also closed his speech with a mega phone ad to love whoever you choose, and sexual equality for all. 

The very last thing in the world I want to do is write a response that drums up hate and fails to get the point across that my point is not to bash lost people while standing on a false podium of purity and humility.  I am keenly aware that my sin alone put him on the cross, and he came into the world to redeem, everyone.  Yet to those of us who have been touched by his love, who have experienced and tasted and seen the very arms of Christ come along side of us through truth, His Word, and his Church, we have a greater responsibility to discern who and what we praise, in the Name of "God."

When we post things on Facebook congratulating or praising an artist for an award won, should we not first understand what that award was given for?  Do we not have a duty to first search if the movie would have been one that God would have actually approved?  Even if it was based on a true story, we cannot deny that movies are often produced to sell an agenda or an idea, very often those contrary to our core beliefs.  This movie at it's best demonstrated the pain that pervasive promiscuity can have, while at its worst blurred the lines between moral truths including sexual ethics. 

One of the greatest assaults to our culture today is the break down of the definition of marriage, with movies like these heavily helping to shape impressionable minds with beliefs and seemingly compassionate ideas that in reality, only lead to more pain.  Do we not need to know that a significant catalyst for the plot involved escapades with a prostitute, impersonation of a priest to smuggle drugs, and an awarded best supporting actor playing the role of a sympathetic transgendered woman?  Should we not also be aware that the Best Actor's previous movie was a number one selling comedy titled "Magic Mike," wholly centered around a male strip club?  (Also not seen.. but I have Google).

While recognizing that it is refreshing to hear the name "God" spoken in a public forum, we have to be aware that the god in those arena's may be very different than the God that we know who asked us to carry our cross and follow him.  The God who told us that in this world we might have trouble, simply because we chose to love Him.  The Name above every name entered into our world to save us; dare I say to inconvenience us in our sin, drawing us to Himself.  If the god professed among celebrities, sports stars, even upon our own lips is in no way inconveniencing our lives, let us consider very seriously if that is the God who for our sake, became man.  We need to be people who simply seek  not to hear the name of a created form of a Hollywood god, but who long for a conversion to the Person of Jesus Christ.

Paul did not give his life so that his God could be one among the many in Athens.  He gave his life so that all people, for all time, could know that this God, Jesus, was the only One who gave his life as a ransom for all, freeing us from the bondage of our own self interpretations of truth, love, and sexuality.  And it's a good thing to remember, that unlike the celebrities' self fulfilling personal hero, of himself, John the Baptist told us, "He must increase, I must decrease."  And likewise, Paul stated, "we who are in Christ no longer live, but it is he, that lives in us."  Praise should exist for the man whose hero alone is Christ.  A speech that follows a thanks to God with a praise for oneself should be closely examined in the Christian world. 

In any forum, of course we stand with Paul in Phillippians 1:18 that no matter the motives behind the individual speaker, if Christ is preached, we should rejoice.  Let us just discern in all arenas whether or not the truth being spoken is indeed the truth in which we claim to have given our lives. 

Baptizing the Children

There are times when I feel compelled to write along Apologetical lines because I have learned something significant on a topic; and what I had known before has changed due to a deeper study of Scripture, the writings of the Church Fathers and the Popes, and prayer. However it is not the main purpose of this blogging adventure. 

So it is with this mind set that I come to write about the Baptism of our kids this weekend.  Today,  avoiding controversial arguments concerning the validity of infant baptism, whether or not the act is a Sacrament (I believe it is),  or whether the disciples, when they baptized "households" in Acts 16:15, 16:33, and 1 Cor.1:16, chose to exclude infants and young children; is better for my soul.  Tomorrow, the theological fire may burn again to defend, but for now I rest in the peace that I have received.   Here is a link for anyone entirely confused and interested in the true baptismal Catholic position, and their robust defense of the sacrament. 
http://www.catholic.com/tracts/infant-baptism

I write my thoughts to share my story in converting to the Catholic Church.  I write to hopefully encourage someone just beginning this journey, who may be already weary from the divisions it could cause.  I write to share the great things that He has done in walking beside us, before us, and behind us, every single step of the way, and to share when he is silent in order for us to grow.  I write to be honest that many days are hard, and many days end in confusion as to whether this is the guidance of Christ, or whether it is not. 

Although that may seem like a unfair judgment to the place in which I am obviously fully entering in a few short months, it is an honest account of discerning truth and attempting to follow Jesus wherever he may lead.  If nothing else, I am confident that He is the one who started this great work, and he will carry it out into completion.  And on the beautiful vigil of the miracle of Easter, I will stand and confidently know that this Communion with my Savior was brought about by perseverance, trial, and refinement.  Love without sacrifice, is not really love, and because I am madly in love with my Savior, the sacrifice of whatever it brings, was wholly worth everything. 

The baptism of our four kids was the most beautiful Saturday morning I have ever witnessed, within a church or on a gorgeous vacation.  It was holy, full of grace, and surrounded by friends who have come along side of us as the arms of Christ, loving us into the fullness of his Church.  It was Witnessed by those whose friendship is nothing short of a divine appointment, a pleading prayer that was answered when we needed support the most.  In what we expected to be a tiny, private affair between the six of us and a priest, God had planned a holy affair with God parents who are wise and filled with Joy, miraculous friends, and a group of women who have demonstrated a compelling witness for devout Catholicism. There may not have been a dry adult eye in the Church within the first 10 minutes, and I believe I even saw the Priest welling up.  It spoke to the nature of the great things the Lord is orchestrating in our midst, and the conversions that can occur when hearts are open to Him. 

Pictures speak to the beautiful event, and help to show the joy that we felt along with our friends and our sweet, newly baptized kids. 

Before Baptism with our sweet friends

Fr. Dan Scheidt

Anointing with Oil

God Parent "Miss Mary"

RICA sponsors and friends

A multiplication of expectations

The story of how we became friends and met is a post waiting to be written.  But it is amazing, and so worth the wait to find the right words to write.

The wonderful God Parents of all of the kids. 

And because if my words are not sufficient to share how great the day was, there is no better way than to share it through the eyes of a child.  So without further writing, courtesy of his twin behind the camera phone, here is our son Jack's description of his feelings about becoming baptized. 

And there you have it.  Yay for Baptism, for friends, and for Him who makes all things New.